only one

bad dream

2010-09-07T12:49:00.000+08:00

i just wish i could wake up from this bad dream..

happy 19!

2010-01-21T18:43:00.002+08:00

hey dearest! thanks so much for yesterday! really saw all the efforts you'd put in just to make in fantabulous for me and i really really really appreciate all of that, though i have to admit i'm too smart for your surprises! wahaha! but i had a great time pretending too! haha! please don't worry about what i told you yesterday alright, you know what i mean, because i really love you. though sometimes i feel like a mess, having you around somehow seems to help me work things around. i do get pretty insensitive towards your feelings or feel easily annoyed such that it'll affect you but i'm really glad for your understanding and all. so sorry if i've ever hurt you in anyway, you know i still love you. :) i had loads of fun yesterday and i hope to spend many more of the upcoming birthdays with you too. love ya! :D

day 3 of misery and loneliness

2009-12-08T20:55:00.001+08:00

yea, absence makes the heart grow fonder. but you already got me head over heels for you. i miss you, period.

day 2 of misery and loneliness

2009-12-08T00:54:00.001+08:00

damn, i'm missing you and i miss you.

day 1 of misery and loneliness

2009-12-06T22:11:00.001+08:00

omgosh where are you... its 10 plus already... :(

hate list

2009-10-16T00:39:00.002+08:00

Top Ten Hates/Dislikes:

(not in accordance to ranking)
10. cheese (why? cos only mice love them)
9. people blocking the door into the mrt trains (come on! did you watch the pck advert?)
8. people who blocks the right lane on an escalator (especially when there's no one in front of him/her, gosh!)
7. insensitive people (are you numb?)
6. arrogant/cocky people (acknowledging that you have your bragging rights, why don't just keep it to yourself, you make the world a better place)
5. people who despise others/think others can never be as good as them
4. seeing unidentified foreign ingredients in my food (i mean, who doesn't?)
3. to be controlled/have my life dictated by others
2. my glasses for constantly falling off
1. MY LEG HAIR! (just gross)

love of my life

2009-10-11T02:59:00.003+08:00

it never again crossed my mind, until you came by.

and baby i do.

i'm glad for you

2009-09-30T23:51:00.002+08:00

hey you, my dearest friend!

i'm really happy you found that special someone who loves you for who you are. sounds like he's really quite some guy too! but how mean of you to forget you were supposed to tell me for we made that promise! just so you know, i kept to it, or at the very least, i didnt have the chance to break it. haha!

anyway, really really glad you're receiving the happiness you deserved. hereby wishing you all the best and may you have a blissful and fulfilling relationship, my dearest friend :)

its a virtue

2009-09-30T23:31:00.002+08:00

life's like a game, and i'm losing it.

blank

2009-09-22T22:57:00.001+08:00

lacklustre.

gotta get a complete brainwash

2009-09-19T01:47:00.003+08:00

sitting on the fence, i'm falling.

needs affirmation

2009-09-18T12:43:00.001+08:00

and at last, the prelims are history.

i've been thinking, i really had. never this hard before. and i need affirmation.

great day!

2009-05-02T01:28:00.002+08:00

had a great day today!

soccer alongside 32nd against the 24th council was great. though we lost 6-1, it was a great match to bond the 3 councils together.

went to liquid kitchen at night with council peeps and it was fun once again. except that whenever i play drinking games, i feel i'll be at a disadvantage. gosh...

took night rider back home and thanks to the bus uncle who allowed me to board the bus despite me not having enough value in my card. phew!

and now i'm tired, real tired. got a soccer game tmr, zzz!

with lots of goals and aspirations to fulfill.

2009-04-25T20:53:00.002+08:00

enjoyed playing field soccer today with clement and his friends. it was much fun apart from the occasional spoilers i got from some who lacked sportsmanship. but still, a great escape from homework! ahha!

had a funny encounter today. was buying bubble tea at the cup walker near my place. i was freaking thirsty after the game and i ran out of water. was so looking forward for the longan juice i ordered. after it was done, the lady put the cup into the machine to seal the lid. when the cup was in the machine, the power tripped and i immediately went, "fuck! haha!". i was so thirsty la! but thinking about it, it was quite hilarious. worse thing is, the trip wasn't due to the shop's appliances so they had to get some other guy to fix the problem and it would possibly take half an hour. lucky the lady offered to make a new one for me, except without the lid. but then there was this other girl before me who ordered 3 cups to take away and can't possibly accept cups without lids. i guess when the power trip, she must have told herself, "fuck!".

well, at least for me, i had an additional laugh! keke!

slowly picking things up (:

my first ever FREE CONE DAY!

2009-04-21T20:15:00.003+08:00

and this day marks my first ever FREE CONE DAY!

well, the wait was exciting i guess? the seemingly long queue that stretched all the way to the next level of cathay and even to a spiral staircase actually moved quite fast! took about 20mins before i reached my turn and at the end of it all, as i took the first lick off my chocolate fudge brownie, i knew the wait was worthwhile. SEE YOU AGAIN FREE CONE DAY '2010!

gosh, i'm a messed up kid!

the occasional joy

2009-04-19T21:11:00.002+08:00

ahha, had fun yesterday at serangoon gardens. it was even better with a taxi uncle so accommodating to our harmless pranks and jokes on him while on the way home. WAKAKA!

a want, a dream, a reality? hmm

in need of solace

2009-04-04T00:10:00.003+08:00

today wasn't as great a day and where else better to seek solace than this 'dumping ground' blog.

man, it really sucks to go to school late and get caught for it, and what's worse, by a teacher who probably won't let you off so easily. i'm still pretty affected by the possible consequences despite much assurance. but for now, i think i've had too much to worry about. i'm jerking it.

there was a life concert publicity skit during this week's assembly and now that i think about it, i think i'm dismissing its initial irrelevance for it kinda gave me a reality check that my life is somewhat screwed up too like the main character in the skit. as a matter of fact, all my life i've spent trying to please everyone around me. teachers, parents and friends especially. getting good grades, being a good son and making myself available for friends whenever they need me. however, it just seems that the harder i try, the more likely things won't happen. i'm failing my tests, my parents are beginning to lose faith in me and i get torn between friends. and sometimes i just wished i was a little smarter and a little stronger, and maybe then, i wouldn't be having such a hard time.

i have to put on a mask everytime i leave home. a mask that will allow me to hide myself behind it and a mask that will make me a different person from whom i actually am. it's really tormenting to have to put on a show and everytime i look down at my shadow, i see a completely different person. this putting on a mask thing has become much of a routine for me, i've forgotten what i really am like. i feel like such a hypocrite.

all this while, trying to make others happy, i think i've neglected someone i've lost touch with, yet is so close to my heart. guess i should start finding that someone back before he wanders off any further. yet again, i should start thinking for myself too. maybe then, i'll be more contented with life.

i'm sorry alynn for this post, i wished i had nicer things to blog about too.

well all i need, is just a little bit of understanding.. is it too much to ask for?

and sometimes i wonder...

2009-03-20T12:40:00.002+08:00

gone are the interviews, selection camp, elections and LTC. going soon is the 31st student council, and coming in is the 32nd. and sometimes i wonder if i had done my part for the council during my term. i didn't get to do teacher's day, and i might not get to do stepping down even. i won't have any events to my portfolio but i'm contented for having played my part alongside others, be it in a less important role.

as my term draws close to an end, i think the only one regret i will take away is that i had never been able to fight for what i truely felt for. for the many times that i had held back myself, thinking that i wasn't able to substantiate my point, i don't think i did my part. for the many times i wanted something so badly, but because i wasn't able to prove to others, i don't think i did my part. for the many times that i felt so strongly for something, but because others were able to convince better and i gave in, i don't think i did my part.

at the end of the day, though i know i grew in strength and as a person, for the many times that i held myself behind, i think this council term would be a regretful one for me.

and sometimes i just wish i was stronger.

the truth behind the scenes

2009-02-25T00:57:00.002+08:00

i'm finally done with 3 days of council interview, down to the very last, final day which is tmr. quite a few surprises. lots of emotions.

started the first day thinking it would be exciting and interesting to see how the J1s would react when being thrown a situation or whatever. however, all that interviews slowly pricked at my emotions, and today, after the longest of interviews lasting for 8 interviewees, i felt i've had enough of shouting at people, putting them in a spot and what not. i'm not enjoying it anymore. and i know despite saying all these, tmr when i interview the last 4 students, i still have to carry on being what i'm not, all so in the name of fairness and to test the interviewees. i just hope that after all the cries, the camps, elections and all, they will come to understand our rationale for being so tough to them.

for the best of council, press on guys!

to do what is right, and not what is favoured.

valentine misery/blessing

2009-02-15T01:04:00.003+08:00

a few hours ago, time concluded the end of yet another lonesome valentine's day.

2 days before, i was at serangoon mrt on the way home. i was on the escalator when some noise caught my attention. it seems, a couple was fighting, and i mean seriously, fighting. they were like hurling vulgarities at each other and at one point during the action, the guy actually raised his arm, threatened to whack the girl, and really did. all these, happening during the short span of time when i transfered escalator from one floor to another. first of all, both parties are definitely to blame for even starting such a ruckus in public. they should have carried their argument somewhere else. then the guy actually beat the girl up, shame on you boy.

and now, 1 day after valentine's and im here in a friend's place and i don't know whether i should be glad for having gone past a valentine's alone again. loserish, yeah. blessing in disguise, maybe? whatever it is, i think i should be thinking of other stuffs.

think before temptation.

as councillors, you touch people's lives

2009-02-08T02:12:00.002+08:00

just read a post on desmond's blog and i felt like i had to blog again. with him citing ms huang, "as councillors, you touch people's lives"

indeed, like what he said, many many people will never ever understand why we are doing all these. people have asked me, "why join council?" or even told me off by saying, "councillors are only dogs to the school". i guess to all these people, you wouldn't understand what we are going through unless you've been through it yourself.

i have been quite upset a few times hearing such stuffs especially some from my close friends. i did try to explain to them and all but they never fail to blast me off with similar comments. at the end of the day, as long as i know i'm in council for a good cause, i will continue to tell myself, i've not wasted my time.

i don't need your reason if you don't see my point.

5 days... a culmination of so much

2009-02-08T01:04:00.002+08:00

orientation '09 ended well, with a blast of course! i had so much to fear, right from the start when i got to know of my OG being made up of all DSA kids. it was a mixed feeling, for i worried about how i can get all of them together. to me, first impression counts a lot and i just had to figure out myself how to make them feel good right on the first day.

but, for all i know, they turned out to be the best, and most fun-loving bunch of people! though some of them may be cheeky and stuff, deep down inside each and everyone of them, there was something special. something so unique and distinct that i could remember all their names at first go.

throughout the 5 day, i've learnt pretty much. from the orientation itself and my OG. i shan't go on blabbering about all these but i guess at the end of the day, when i see all of the councillors' efforts pay off, its just simply heartwarming.

i do remember once during orientation, it was so terrible i felt like giving up. that day was day 4. i had to rush stuff for spot the not and i couldn't get it done in time. worse, the meet the mentors ended earlier than the stipulated time and people started flocking into the hall when preparations weren't even done. thankfully, i had vivien and a bunch of councillors to help me set up and conduct the game. but what i heard was people then boycotted the game because it was simply impossible to play it. neither vivien nor the J1s' fault. i guess it pretty much boils down to poor planning on my side. i felt so bad after that, for vivien especially. that day didnt ended well for me for after everything, i began to worry for what's to come on the last day.

it was so sickening that the rain had to come on the fifth and last day. campfire was cancelled. liming must have been upset, considering so much effort he and gang had put in just for it. but it was relieving to see him nonchalant about it, saying "just jerk it" though i know somehow, he still feels the pinch. but finale was still great! minor screw-ups here and there but when i saw everybody come together doing the mass dances, i felt so so happy. indeed, all the late nights and sweat that was put in just to choreograph these dances were worth it. but of course, all these couldn't have been done without a lot of people. you know who you are, thanks. (:

and now that orientation is over, i go back to the never changing cycle of eat-sleep-study. gosh!

OG7, you guys are simply awesome! :D

scary..

2009-01-27T23:33:00.003+08:00

oh gosh, orientation's just next week and i only realised yesterday that i have loads to do for stage and mass games, mass dance inclusive. oh dear oh dear. plus i need all the sleep i can or else i'll be sleep walking pretty soon. pls put me through!

started the day with a pretty productive argyrus meeting then took half a day off today from all work to do mature stuffs with some mature but unpolished dickheads. tasted moscato wine today. very good. tastes very much like grape sparkling juice with a tinge of alcohol in it. not bad for a start. then spent more than 50 bucks today. bought a banana and a bag full of sweets for about 55 bucks. went on for cafe cartel at serangoon gardens. loves st. louis pork ribs to the max!

now that i am back home, staring into the time table for the lessons for tomorrow, i just can't help but curse. thought could end early and meet up merv and viv to do mass dance nbut lesson ends only at 3 and i gotta prepare for meeting at 3.30. wtf.

as time runs short, lead me not into temptation.

18? so what

2009-01-23T00:29:00.004+08:00

and it was that time of the year again that served as a reminder of the fact that time really never waits. and so, i've officially lived 18 years on this earth that has been the ground of many many experiences in my life.

and so i ask myself the same question again. "18? so what?" to me, its just like any other day. its just a checkpoint in my life. possibly a checkpoint to allow me to look back and think to myself, how much have i achieved? time tells tales.

and so, i got on with life, never knowing what will happen tomorrow. for now, let me just concentrate and put my all in the mass dance for orientation.

march on 31st.

a day just like any other.

waste of my time

2009-01-12T17:40:00.001+08:00

you pissed me too, too much.

you just affirmed my reservations for you.

a letter to my dancing queen

2008-12-29T00:31:00.003+08:00

a letter to my dancing queen:

hey darling, been real stressed up with mass dance lately. got heavy plans on my own too, and i have to work within a tight schedule. bless me with all your dance grooves sweety.

loves
jan

procrastination at its highest order

2008-12-14T03:36:00.002+08:00

bah! been slogging my body working lately. and boy, how much i wish i can get out of that dreaded kitchen. someday, someone please teach me order taking?

ooh, and one more of my baby tooth came off! but it just makes my bottom row teeth more in need of braces. christmas's round the corner, gonna have a party at alicia's place next wed! plus my first ever gift exchange! what should i buy? hmm. having a chalet next week too, with my sec sch clique, kinda clashes with the christmas party? bah! and i have sentosa outing on monday too! gosh, so packed! i'm just going for the tan.

and i'm procrastinating again! haven't even started studying. got loads to catch up man. *slaps myself*

and here's some great news! to those chelsea fans out there, man u and liverpool both drew! chelsea's so gonna make them regret tmr when they meet west ham! ^^

sing me sweet, sing me love, say you'll never let me go.

i'm not thinking

2008-11-30T22:32:00.003+08:00

something funny happened yesterday, and i told myself i must blog about it, but i kinda forgot already. until i remember, then i'll talk about it.

went out with mervyn today. and boy, were we stupid. we were at hougang and was suppose to take the mrt underpass to get to the bus station to go cut hair, but we talk talk talk, talk until we unknowingly tap into the mrt gantry. only after tapping in then mervyn ask "eh why we tap in ah?". that was when i realised, shit! haha

met liming later then we wend far east to shop. bought a shirt later on at shaw centre. its a levi's shirt in support of world aids day! kinda cool (:

watching the manchester derby on sopcast now. boo, man u scored a goal before half time. fret not, man city will equalised in no time! ^^

can't touch this yo.

is something wrong?

2008-11-26T01:03:00.002+08:00

feels weird lately. still worried about mass dance somehow.

dear michael jackson, see you tonight in my dreams, we can walk on the moon or glide along the milkyway. see you!

i'll wait and see.

mass dance fever!

2008-11-25T00:10:00.002+08:00

great! first draft of mass dance is finally completed. gotta show ms huang tmr. it still doesnt have the 'feel' i guess. gotta work on it still. gogo elites!

ytd was yiying's birthday so happy birthday! met that noob liming in the morning to buy her cake. the giving to her part was kinda retarded, but thoughtful i guess.

anyway, had dinner at boonkeng after grad night stuff. man, i gotta blog bout that woman. there was this old lady who went from table to table, using her illegible dialect to talk to us but it was pretty much obvious she was asking for money. she kinda pestered us at first? until the indian stallholder came out to chase her away. it was a funny scene, somehow. the old woman came back a second time and did the same thing, but this time, some people actually gave her money before the stallholder could come out again and chase her away.

if she's willing to forgo her dignity and do something so shameful, i have zero respect for her. if you had asked me whether i want to buy even tissue paper from you, i would gladly do so. but for someone who, although old, is fit and well to work and at least try to sell stuffs for a living, actually chose to resort to asking people for money, i feel disgusted. she probably had a drug or smoking habit to feed. even a handicap would have more integrity and self-worth than her.

i'm sorry, but i really feel bad for you. tell me you have some mental problem and it might save you some blushes. but boo to you, i'm sorry.

the less humane sight of singaporeans

mud roll!

2008-11-14T01:25:00.002+08:00

boo! noob chelsea lost at home again. what is this man. lose to some burnley. it should have been a clear cut victory right from the start yet they couldn't even hold out their lead. i'm disappointed. roar!

council guys had a soccer match with band on school field today. rained again, and the field turned into a mud pool. but being the ever-spirited 31st, we continued to play. haha! it was a great match! one full of skipping balls, mud rolls, unforced falls, booby ball traps and high flyers. awesome game which council won 10-4! proud of the guys man! great play! we should have more of these ugly, dirty, disgusting stuffs to get us together. damn fun! but i think i kept losing my tantrums and all? felt i was too aggressive in the game, like i keep banging people to the ground then like shouting at my own team mates. felt damn bad. sorry yongpin and jason! but it was all in the name of fun, at the end of the day, despite the scoreline, i'm sure both sides had a great time still. (:

stayed in school till about 7, playing murderer with chong and everyone else. haha, humans are so cunning! and i could have silenced everyone. lol, but mervyn was smart enough to see through my lie. good job bro!

went to sakae for a wholesome dinner after that. and boy, i ate till i felt like puking. but it was nice with the other three guys. just talking and eating to our hearts content. round 2, please!

got work tmr, and mahjong after that! yaye!

they were like northern stars.

co camp

2008-11-13T00:20:00.002+08:00

life's been great.

went to work at some place that linyu introduced today. kinda fun? especially when i keep eating. haha! going back on friday for another round.

was at co camp just now. it was fun just meeting up with everyone else and enjoying ourselves. without a doubt, police came during the night walk. ah, those f*cking residents. they should get a life. and mr queen bitch a.k.a mr wong shao mun came to rail at us. bloody bastard. should have throwed a water bomb at him. haha!

tmr's council soccer match against band! so so excited. please do not rain! and damn! i can't find my red jersey! which idiot stole it?!?!

you make me go crazy! (:

life at its best

2008-11-05T01:50:00.002+08:00

life's great.

went to sentosa with mervyn. what a gay ass outing that was. haha! had loads of fun but the sun wasnt cooperating so didn't get a tan in the end. went to cineleisure after that. wanted to catch a movie but a change of plan and we went to eat in the end. both of us were rather broke but still, we managed to make good use of the 8 bucks that we put together. and man, i simply love gloria jeans. had this wonderful mango smoothie for just 3 bucks! cool shit man. lazed around before going home. its a fruitful day indeed.

mass dance fever!

a womp bop a looma, a womp bam boom!

finally

2008-11-03T16:56:00.003+08:00

i'm back as i should have been a few days ago. this period of time had been spent pretty wisely. had my fair share of fun and work, and finally, i'm proud to say i'm off with pw! yay! just handed in my i&r. think its rather slipshod but i really can't be bothered. and i'm rather happy with my performance for chinese A! although the topic i predicted didnt came out, and some noob shit came out instead, i was glad i could do it. man, the feeling's great!

like i said, i was supposed to blog again about the fun i had last week. a group of us were invited over to yuqi's place for a bbq and it was nice! mr chong came over late and taught us to play some game which was really cool! had loads of fun and laughter. however, chelsea's extravagant run came to a dismal end when the chelsea fortress went down unfortunately to a unlikely liverpool team. with a scoreline of 0-1, its rather sad that because of that one silly goal, chelsea' 86-game undefeated home run had to come to an end. its crazy, but its reality too. indeed, all good things must come to an end eh? and i'm proud of chelsea! woah! whatsmore, i have that huge list of chelsea injuries that will comfort me, knowing that it might just be the absence of key players that actually led to its eventual downfall. but i was glad, though liverpool overtook chelsea in the league after the win, their luck wasn't sustained, as they fell to tottenham in their next match, whereas chelsea proved their worth and will to fight back with a 5-0 thumping of sunderland. awesome man! and chelsea's back on top again! yeah!

went to amk to play pool with kyaw, liming and mervyn yesterday before going to linyu's place for steamboat and boy, we had loads of fun! haha, now that school work is done with, council comes up next in the list. but at least council work is one that i'm willing to spend my time to do and that i'll enjoy. i'm glad (:

live high

the clock is ticking

2008-10-26T14:44:00.002+08:00

ahhhhh! i haven't been blogging! shit!

i'll be back with more juicy information later. yesterday was a great day. but for now, i gotta rush out my games proposal. everyone, just chillax for now, tmr's DEEPAVALI!

gets better in time

is it really so?

2008-10-18T00:16:00.003+08:00

and yes, i did manage to get promoted, hit the dot exactly and it was such a huge relief. Been wanting to blog for quite some time, much of what i had wanted to say was pretty much emulsified by the days i procrastinated.

this whole week was yet another series of life's lessons for me.

interestingly, after living 17 years of life so far, there are still questions i've yet gotten an answer to. what is success? how do you determine success? what would you do for success? how far would you go to ensure success? i was bewildered by ben's theory that life is just a mad race for success, that you got to beat others to be at the top, that the world is but a dog-eat-dog world. as much as his words did make sense that education is ever so important to allow you to remain competitive with others, i chose to believe that this has after all, led to a society of depreciating compassion. conversely, i feel that human beings are beginning to be more and more obsessed with success and victories but are these the only things that mark a person's life?

everyday, well educated people pry the streets. in this dissociated world, qualifications and talents are no longer lacking. what's really lacking in people is the very basis that we humans were built upon. the values, moralities, sensitivity, whatsoever. everyday, i see inconsiderate people trying to squeeze through the mrt doors even before the passengers alight and all it tells me is that human beings aren't sensitive enough. only just, i happened to be browsing the nominees for the "hey gorgeous" competition on the web and random people just commented insults on nominees whom they feel were not good enough. oh please! even if you feel that others aren't good enough for the competition, it doesn't give you the right to criticise them right? if you have good things to say, say it. if not, don't even bother. if people really nominated themselves for the competition, it just goes to show that they have the courage to do so. imagine you got nominated by your friends and your face is shown to the world. if criticisms start flowing in, would you feel good at all? obviously, those people didn't think through their words before the said it and it just goes to show how insensitive they are. so much for a graceful society, i'm amazed.

it was nice talking to ting in school on thursday. though it was just for a short while, it was nice still. hadn't really talk to him proper and it just feels great to know more about him and his whole list of philosophical ethics. hah! no doubt, human wants are unlimited. there's no end to what we want. initially, you aim for something of a certain level. and then, you get wad you want, but your limitless greed and hunger for success spurs you on to want even more. i dont really know if this is a good or bad thing. assuming you have to exchange your values and principles for that little success, would you do it? just how far can success take you without a heart to feel, and a mind to think?

i'm no wonder soul myself, and i get very distraught at times seeing pain and suffering around me and doing nothing about it. there's aplenty of lessons that life has yet to inculcate into me, and perhaps then, i could feel myself being the truth of my own words and being able to speak with greater affirmation. i'll keep learning and i'll keep doing.

human beings are indeed a strange lot of people.

the agony

2008-10-14T23:13:00.002+08:00

MAN! i seriously WANT and NEED to promote!

this is gonna be a tough, agonising week for me. got to know my chem and gp overall grade already, which is worse than terrible? a D for chem and FREAKING E for GP will only get me 17.5 rank points so far. considering i need to get another 17.5 rank points from the other subjects to promote, man, its gonna be difficult. yeah, others might say its just another 17.5 rank points, but they don't know how i actually did for the paper! a single U will practically behead me. ARGH! why must they torture us by revealing the results only on thursday? its gonna be another agonising day tmr. stupid school policy la. RAH!

wanted to catch house bunny with friends today but couldnt be on time to catch the 5.30 slot so we gave it a miss and went straight to christine's place for dinner. and it was simply KIMCHICHIGEH!! had a nice time with 08S13.5 and got to know more about them today. well, christine's parents are really hospitable and thomas's mum is very fun to talk to, kinda speaks our lingual you see. heh!

now i'm back to this broke ass seat, staring into the com trying to churn out a bibliography and cut down the word count on a section of the WR. have to cut a total of about 1900 words. long way to go man. woah!

now, don't gimme that! haha!

the weighing balance seems to have been turned on.

i think i can move on

2008-10-12T23:12:00.002+08:00

had a great time meeting up with some friends over the weekend for steamboat and mahjong session. pooled after that and had a wonderful chat.

when all around, the world seems to crash on you, all it takes is just a simple story to change how you feel about yourself and everything thats happening around.

to my dear friend who's feeling low, it's nice to know that you trusted me. it really made me feel very much appreciated. thanks for sharing on your part. things will eventually look brighter for you, and i know for a strong girl like you, nothing's impossible.

this coming week shall greatly determine my fate. but whatever it is, i'm prepared to take it, or am i?

i'm moving on..

my debut

2008-10-06T23:09:00.002+08:00

oh gosh! i went island creamery for the first time today! ok, i know i'm a noob but not now anymore! and indeed, horlick ice cream did not let me down (:

and moving on.

a breather

2008-10-03T21:42:00.002+08:00

at last, its all over. i can finally catch a breather. even if the worst is to befall unto me, it might just be a blessing. when i believe in fate, is it going to turn around and bite me? its yet another fairytale love story.

like your blade carves my heart, the truth paint my hurt

it still hurts

2008-09-27T02:04:00.002+08:00

man, i shouldn't be here. but since i'm here, might as well blog. (:

promos been crazy so far. for once, i'm having to battle the fear of retaining. its a hard to contain truth but nonetheless, i certainly didn't do well enough to deserve staying. last paper on monday, make or break? i was probably broken a few days back.

but anyway, had my first actual movie marathon today with mervyn. watched initial d and tokyo drift. they had this probably due to the F1. i promised to say this and i will. mervyn was such an ass! he conned the counter girl of 2 drinks! but i think i'll call you a nice ass since you got one for me too. (:

and so, the shows were great. especially initial d. the ending was sad, man. saw lots of headlights throughout that 4 hours. bah!

sidetrack for now, school's been pretty tough for me ever since it resumed after the sept holidays. meeting expectations, keeping promises, and learning to be myself. its been a huge struggle to even try to close my eyes and tell myself its gonna be alright. its just so crazy how fast things are changing. it seemed just yesterday when everything was a dream come true. now, its just wishful thinking. well honestly, there's still a lot of questions left unanswered in my heart, but its all not gonna matter anymore. there's no point in pleading for an answer that won't change anything. i hate it. the thing i'm obliged to wear everyday. its so blinding i can't see myself anymore. i wish i could be the words i say to others.

times when i thought i stood up and moved on, man, my legs felt weak and i could only hit the ground again. i wish to shut myself from reality, then everything will just slowly fade away without me realising it.

hah, i'll be fine. i always find an escape route. don't come asking me if i'm ok cos i'll probably tell you i am. then again, you can try to read me. but my eyes can only tell you that much, maybe a little more if you're truly good.

when its meant to hurt, it really will.

oh come on

2008-09-18T20:15:00.002+08:00

YES! i've just been enlightened why MnO2 is formed in alkaline oxidation!!!

oh save me from love songs and happy endings.

200th post!

2008-09-16T22:24:00.002+08:00

yippee! my 200th post!

bah! got pretty stressed out today. overloaded with gp compres and compos and they just can't be offloaded because i can never seem to concentrate to finish them. well, i will as soon as i finish this blog post, with my right hand armed with a pen and my left armed with coffee shark!

bio has been stressing me out too, cos i haven't started studying it. bah, i need to destress.

Album: Jan's Top 30 Hits
Track: No more one step at a time
Artiste: Jan Sparks

dadada,dada,dadada,dadadada
dadada,dada,dadada,dadadada

Hurry up, don't slack
Study, and don't get retain
Everyday, you look at the same thing
Too much that you just can't take
But you just can't stop

You wanna ace promos, but haven't done enough yet
Wonder what you're gonna do to even clear it
You know you can, if you do your best
In the night and you feel like sleeping
Now you know that time is so limited
And you're getting all stressed up and tired
Waiting, for a miracle

Lets take
One step at a time
There's no need to rush
It's like learning bio
Or studying for chem
It's gonna take us some time
Because its not that easy
Go and lim kopi
One step at a time

dadada,dada,dadada,dadadada
dadada,dada,dadada,dadadada

You study and you cry
You're confused, and you so wanna give up
Everytime, you pick up a book and
Look at them, stare at them, talk to them
If they only knew

You wanna ace promos, but haven't done enough yet
Wonder what you're gonna do to even clear it
You know you can, if you do your best
In the night and you feel like sleeping
Now you know that time is so limited
And you're getting all stressed up and tired
Waiting, for a miracle

Lets take
One step at a time
There's no need to rush
It's like learning bio
Or studying for chem
It's gonna take us some time
Because its not that easy
Go and lim kopi
One step at a time

When you think that you're a goner
Just think of all the times
When Jan screwed his flag raising
It's these times that makes a loser
The way to prevent that
No more one step at a time

Take one step at a time
There's no need to rush
It's like learning bio
Or studying for chem
It's gonna take us some time
Because its not that easy
Go and lim kopi
One step at a time

One step at a time
There's no need to rush
It's like learning bio
Or studying for chem
It's gonna take us some time
Because its not that easy
Go and lim kopi
One step at a time

gosh, i see chris brown's greatest competition.

hey mervy, lets take one step at a time.

i'm disgusted, utterly

2008-09-15T01:54:00.003+08:00

man, i'm boiling, literally. decided to take time off from editing pw for the SECOND TIME because i seriously need to rant. and i hope YOU see this.

yes, i may not have did my best in editing my part, agreed. but all i wanted was to finish early so i can meet the deadline and you guys can vet through it and i'm sure i DID mention that you guys CAN inform me if there is anymore work for me, and unless YOU didn't quite get it, it also meant that YOU, if unhappy with what i've produced, can tell me NICELY to redo it, and then, i WILL. but YOU, chose to make things worse by being all so COCKY and DISGUSTINGLY RUDE. what else can i say. so i STUPIDLY went to redo and now, YOU come and tell me that YOU were just JOKING about the comment. well, maybe you are, but do YOU think you're FUNNY? because of your INSENSITIVE joke, i think, or in fact, i've wasted my 2 hours or so. but no, i'm not gonna let my time go to waste. i'll finish editing my part because i ADMITTEDLY agree that i did not do my best on the first draft. YOU have THOROUGHLY changed my impression of YOU. i WILL not look at you the same way as i did before and i ASSURE YOU, its gonna take A LOT for me to CHANGE that impression of you.

man, i'm sorry for being so whiny. i'm just so irritated at the fact that all this nonsense has to hit me at a moment when stress is mounting and so overpowering i'm almost at the point of breakage. the time that i spent trying to answer your comment could have been used for more productive things like trying to save myself from retaining. ok, i think i need anger management. i'm not trying to be petty or unforgiving, but this time, you seriously went too far. BAH! let me try to convince myself i didn't meant what i said in the previous paragraph, please.

now that i've finally said my piece, i'm content to say that reminding myself of the happenings of saturday and sunday afternoon are enough to neutralise the anger.

met mervy to cut hair at toa payoh on saturday and boy, i'm so gonna go there in future. went to study at novena with linyu before playing arcade at bishan. highlight of saturday was the secondary school gathering. it was a hearty and cosy one indeed as we barbequed our night away at hwans' house. guess what, man u lost 2-1 to liverpool thanks to a horrible mistake by van der sar to knock the ball against wes brown's leg for an own goal. to add on, chelsea won! despite falling behind to robinho's debut goal, chelsea replied quickly and came back to thump man city with 3 goals to win 3-1! it was an exciting match indeed and i was happy for anelka that he scored. somehow felt that it was quite sad how he almost always misses his shots. and he was still very humble about his goal yesterday.

yesterday afternoon was fantabulous! went to study with mervy at dhoby exchange's just acia! the free flow of coffee and ice cream was just what i needed to keep me studying! heh!

alright, jan. get back to work now, don't forget you have loads of gp and other subjects' work to do and promos is starting in 7 days! no time to waste!

be magnanimous and life can be so much more rewarding

silence it

2008-09-12T00:56:00.002+08:00

study, study, study. its a never ending cycle that i seek solace in. the heat's building up as i edge closer and closer to that fateful week. i wonder if i'll ever be able to walk out of the examination hall at the end of all the papers telling myself that i've done all i could and that whatever happens, i'll be glad to take it.

on a positive note, school has incredulously been less pressurising. apart from the everyday feeling of knowing that i have a long list of tutorials and all other sorts of work to complete, there seems to be a greater deal of autonomy to go about what i want to do. time, although limited, seems more flexible now. its like for once, i don't have to feel governed.

oh yeah, and there's something i had wanted to blog since wednesday. our class had an interesting conversation with our gp tutor, mrs ho. we were going through our msa paper and although my selective memory does not permit me to remember exactly what was conversed, here's my version of the exchange of words:

class: 'cher! we dunno today must bring the paper!
mrs ho: please share with some of your friends who have then.
class: 'cher! you have the paper right? can you flash for us?
mrs ho: nah, i don't think its a good idea. share with your friends.
[after much debate]
class: 'cher! flash, pleaseeeeeeeee!
mrs ho: ok, ok fine. if i flash, don't complain it's too small.
[giggles]

gosh! and to think she actually questioned why we were laughing and randomly laughed together with us. haha, now i can finally breathe a sign of relief knowing i've finally blogged about it. heh!

been sleeping relatively early lately. been unproductive at home. i need the sc! hmm, still contemplating whether or not i should i go to school tmr. greatly depends on my progress with ms i&r. (:

oh wells, happy birthday ally! (:

在看不见的地方，有人哭了

tough times

2008-09-08T22:28:00.002+08:00

slogged my head yesterday doing the stupid eom. gosh, and i slept at 5.30am and woke up an hour later. man! its just the coffee that's keeping my eyes open.

but its ok, today's lessons were short and pretty relaxing. and i got relieved that my worry was lifted when i realised i passed my chem lecture test. phew. the class quiz later was also pretty alright as it was an open book test. math was stupid because that bloody chenster simply sucks to the core. argh, but econs was nice. ben liang didn't come so mr ho came in and he was pretty good i must say.

had evening chem class with mr wang and some others. it was really fruitful, i must owe it to mr wang. another session please! i need to do a lot to get promoted man, this is so scary. rah rah rah!

i'm going school late tmr! wanna watch us open men's finals!

so tired, i can't see myself.

the coldest night

2008-09-06T02:26:00.002+08:00

had cold nights for the past few days. but there was the coldest night.

its hard to try to keep your mind away from thinking especially when the environment and settings induces you to. sometimes, the more you try to run away from something, it keeps up with you. escapism, does it work?

It seems all of these words couldn't be further from the truth
How did I get here? What did I do?

Your eyes, telling me lies
And making me find myself
While you have your agenda, a life to pursue

So please,
Let me be free from you.
And please, let me be free
I can face the truth.

I'm blind to all of your colors
That used to be rainbow then
My eyes, where did they go to?
Why disappear?

It's hard to be all alone
I never got through your disguise
I guess I'll just go, and face all my fear

So please,
Let me be free from you
And please, let me be free
I can face the truth.

Put down your world
Just for one night
Pick me again

So please,
Let me be free from you
And please, let me be free
I can face the truth

too too late, now what can i say?

slowly, but surely, time will heal. mend the brokenhearted. he just need that little bit more.

past few days had been pretty fruitful, considering i did quite a lot of studying and work. felt accomplished, but felt i could have gone faster. if, and only if...

poof! i'm blogging at T1's coffee house. it's 4 am, i 'm waken up to your perfume... heh! shall quit daydreaming and get back to studying.

karma karma karma. that coldest night, i felt like the loneliest soul on earth.

emo momo

2008-09-01T01:55:00.002+08:00

i'm back from malaysia! and i did something i've never done before! i crossed the causeway by foot! twice! coolshit!

and so it was one day before malaysia's national day that we had to go back to pay respect to my grandparents. once again, we planne to take the stupid long bus/coach ride which eventually hurt my ass. and surprise, surprise! when we cleared the singapore customs' departure, we were greeted by a stream of people, who like us poor people, have to queue up for the bus to cross the waters to the bus terminal on the other side of the causeway. dismayed by the sight, my brilliant mama came up with the idea of doing something incredible, and so we crossed the bridge by foot! gosh! it was damn hot can! like a freaking chicken stucked in the middle of sahara desert in the noon. but it was amazing how we eventually made it safe and sound to the malaysia customs. there was a darn long queue as well. we gladly queued up this time, knowing we dont have an alternative and that we're thankful enough not to be in the sun already.took the 4+ hr long coach ride thereafter and met up with my uncle! so cute and round as ever, haha! he fetched us to his house and we stayed there over the night with great hospitality from uncle and auntie. and i swear i feel so much fatter after they kept gorging me with so much food! nothing to do? EAT! haha. i was pretty sad when uncle didnt get my hint and switched the tv channel and there goes my deathnote! boohoo! dad went to pluck mangoes from the tree again! haha! slept late!

woke up early the next day, like around 5.30? everything was quite a rush. went to the same village stall for breakfast and then went to the cemetery called fairy park. there i saw popo and gonggong's grave together. they passed on in a few weeks difference. just proves how much they live and die for each other huh. the ritual went on for about an hour or so then we made our way to popo and gonggong's house for lunch. went to one of the relative's house after that and the uncle and auntie were so nice. though they were quite sick and had difficulty moving, they still took the effort to greet and welcome all of us. this, i see as the other side of how i normally picture malaysian's to be. went to get our luggage and off to the bus terminal again. same routine thereafter, including the crossing of the causeway by foot! haha, this time, at night! so everything was much pleasant. (: go try it if you can.

got plans for tmr. let me be on task, please!

oh no, the world is getting too too heavy with emo momo people... how?!

letting your imagination run you wild

2008-08-29T21:40:00.002+08:00

alright, let's just not talk about flag raising, shall we?

this week has been way too draining. greatly due to the preparation for teachers' day. but it was simply encouraging seeing everyone feeling that same sense of urgency and working hard on their part so as to put on a good show for the teachers and everyone else.

and so, today was the big day, which everyone had anticipated an impeccable setting, where everything would just fall into place. i just feel that all the 31st councillors have tried as much as possible to attain that highest standard possible, and i'm just proud to say we've all tried our best. so great job guys! sadly, the students' attendance were rather 'pretentious' and we didn't really receive as much response as we had hope to receive, but nonetheless, we all responded well to the situation. the 31st are just wonderful.

thanks mr chong and the teachers for the treat, and HAPPY TEACHERS DAY TO ALL!

amidst the busy schedule and insufficient rest, as usual, i had my time of self reflection and probing. imagination is such a powerful tool. served to meet both extreme purposes. it had helped me in coming up with witty, insightful perspectives. on the other hand, i must say it seriously sucks when i let my imagination run me wild.

the worse thing is, when imagination and reality weighs on the same balance. sometimes there are somethings that are the last thing you ever want to see. but when these supposed conceptual images bare themselves from behind a pretense of lies and delusion, it just takes your world away. these are the times when i feel visual impairment, though scary as it is, becomes the perfect, flawless solution to ensure complete obedience and that we don't let our heart do too much of the talking.

argh, my mind is drained. just take these for now.

thats something only love can do.

embrace life

2008-08-24T01:26:00.002+08:00

it was an amazing week i must say.

on friday, had my first taste of making morning announcement. i think i suck at it la, and since its my first ever announcement, it probably went deep into the minds of the j2s that 'this horrible januver guy, who actually expects us to greet him, damn lousy la'. oh wells, i have half of my face intact until my turn with the j1s come. mr chong was being so 'encouraging' la! i then went to the cc for assembly and there was this group of people trying to promote some poem competition or something? i dunno, but it was pretty cool how they can inject so much humour and meaning to a simple yet somehow intricate poem. after that was a series of videos presented by the japan trip and ocip students. totally showcased the very ironic side of human life. how the world is home to two extremes of human life. i'm kinda regretting not thinking about joining ocip in the first place. living in this comfy hole of mine, i never really got to travel around and see the drastic poverty and conditions that many hapless souls have to live through. its heart-wrenching. these examples served as strong reminders that i ought to be thankful for what i have, even though it might not be the best i could have asked for. but it also made me ponder more about how life can be just a game of prejudice. how some people were born with a silver spoon in their mouth whilst some were just borned with a promise of torment and misery. i'm disgusted. after that was the teachers' day awards nomination. great way to thank my teachers. (: on a brighter note, i had pe to chill. played chope/chop/chook ball and it was real fun. enjoyed seeing most of the class playing together. (: liangster was nice today, miraculously. haha. he's actually not that bad la, good thing about him is that he doesn't really mind students joking or 'bullying' him. a word of caution: mr liang, don't make me regret what i said ok! went to chinese after that and boooo! i failed chinese! ahhhh, 48/100, just how bad can it get! was bio after that. boooo #2! i failed bio msa! 18/40. its not working out! to think i made sure i studied extra hard and tried to answer more questions. however, that lecture was not an idle one though. ms ye let us watch some videos regarding gene therapy. they were about the lives of patients suffering from SCID and cystic fibrosis. just imagine living the whole of your life, and i mean right from the start of birth till the day you die, in a tightly-secured, sterile glass chamber. its like you breathe, eat and live in a glass chamber. gosh. it totally weighed my heart down just seeing the child pressing his lips on the inside of the chamber to meet that of his mum on the outside. people out there who may have thought you led utterly horrendous lives, think again. three lines that i took away with me from the lecture:"life is too short to (bother) about small things", "tomorrow is a gift" and "embrace life". average life span of humans is about 70 years old, but its just amazing how fast time passes and i've officially lived about one-quarter of that probable life span. surely life is too short to start living miserly. just be thankful and spread the love. math followed after the break and boooo#3! i failed math test, 14.5/30! how bad can things get to man. anyway, i couldn't really be bothered already as my mind was all occupied with chem spa. and phew! i'm proud to say i didnt blow it! (: went to s12's service learning in the innovation room and watched a video about abortion. being someone who was quite neutral about the idea of abortion, i must say the video really changed my thinking. the whole procedure of abortion is just so cruel and inhumane. please do not even think about that for goodness sake, its a living life we're talking about here! went on to have a lil chat session with pei fen and others. it was nice, getting to hear things from her. (: i then had council dance prac. went macs after that and we bought liming a cartoon cake! haha, damn cute ok, still got toys! but our plan at giving him a 'surprise' was foiled. oh wells! on the way home while crossing the bridge near my house, saw this indian family with their super young and adorable baby! it only drove me to wish i could turn back the clock to the time when i was still a young boy, living life on its simple pleasures, without having to bother about things that do not belong to us. oh how i just wish.

yesterday was a wet day. raining the whole time from noon till evening. went to school for teachers' day meeting and ushering duty for the national schools song-writing competition. initial planning for next wednesday's and thursday's skit was a total failure. blame it on me for coming late. council dance is piecing up already. (: during ushering, had some misunderstandings and some problems arised, i just hope everyone didnt leave the event feeling heavy-hearted. anyway, i think our school bagged a few awards! well done! played fifa '08 on yong pin's com. fun! when night fell, we went to kfc to eat and chill. we feasted over ABCs' cheap delights and played cards. had a lot of good laughs. haha! gosh, actually i don't have much to say.

how will today be? hmm.

embrace life; living on life's simple pleasures

fruitful day

2008-08-19T01:06:00.003+08:00

coolshit! stayed up till 4am for once to do homework! felt so accomplished. but the rest of the day in school felt draggy, especially since i had such pathetic amount of sleep.

nonetheless, i had many moments of good laugh yesterday. i just caught the 'random' gene and started saying stupid stuffs to alicia and she started complaining. haha! ben was being totally retarded too! he got us to play his ben's game of wheel of fortune. we got realy bored and started playing other games and i certainly had a good laugh trying to decipher ben's 'unique' drawings in pictionary. haha!

council's teachers' day dance encountered some problems but it was more or less resolved in the end. then came exco meeting. it was just a follow-up on the agenda that we didn't manage to cover finish on friday. after that, we had our own 'thrash talk' in the sc and i totally felt it was worth it. it was like the first step that all of us are willing to take to be more acceptant of each other's differences. although we stopped half way, let's continue with it on another day ok? hope tmr's general meeting will be a fruitful one too.

i'm glad (:

will and concentration

2008-08-17T14:18:00.002+08:00

it was a short week, considering that we had our extended off-in-lieu break on monday due to national day. what a relief.

exco meeting on friday was a fruitful one, since we managed to stick to our agenda and got some doubts cleared out. but i just wished there was something more. maybe more understanding? maybe more courage? maybe more straightforwardness? maybe more privacy? maybe more sensitivity? and maybe just a little more time. i presume monday's meeting will be something like friday's one still. in my point of view, until we can really erase all that uncertainties, how fruitful the meeting may be according to the agenda, it'll still be a pointless one to me.

teachers' day preparation went smoothly yesterday. linyu and liming and the various heads did set the tasks out well and everything went as planned, albeit the overrun of time. it was also very nice to see more councillors being present to help out. great job everyone! as usual, mervy and i came up with something stupid again. this time to promote for the message board that is going to be outside the sc for students to put up messages for their teachers. shan't reveal the excitement yet, haha! why do we always like being so stupid? lol.

this week's plan to study has been accompanied with an emotional upheaval. between will and concentration, i definitely fell short of will. my admiration goes out to those people who can make a decision and set their minds at it, shutting out all other disturbances and being able to put their all in something they want to do. until i can do that, i'll just have to try to discipline myself, keep my mind occupied and put out all other temptations or desires. i've been trying, results haven't been favorable, but nonetheless, they were significant enough. its gonna take much more effort, come on jan!

a little more effort.

in a nutshell

2008-08-16T02:23:00.002+08:00

in a nutshell, my mind is a farrago of doubts, fears, hopes, and wishes. i need to tell you so much so much, maybe i'm taking too long a time. mood's turned off now and i'm saving my breath. perhaps my best gift from god is my lousy, damned memory, so i can then just sleep my uncertainties away.

just let me fly away, into an emancipated world where i can practice my own liberty.

you lifted me up so, so high... just to drop me?

what goes around comes around

2008-08-13T22:51:00.002+08:00

do you believe in karma? well, i do. at least i believe that what goes around, comes around. karma revolves around the theory of cause and effect, and that whatever deeds you've done, depending on whether it is good or bad, it will also be reciprocated in your life.

therefore, retribution is one of the depiction of karma working its way through our lives. for that amount of wrong deeds that you've done before, you'll receive the same amount in return in your life. i, myself have experienced, and am still experiencing the works of karma and retribution.

what i feel is that regardless of whether you believe in karma or not, life will always be fair and balanced. do not expect to commit wrongdoings and think you can get away with it.

so always remember this: don't do to others what you don't want others to do to you.

that aside, today was a day of many heartwarming moments. it was just so wonderful to see so many saints donating blood. thank you to all, you've truly made a difference. (:

while i was still queuing and waiting for my turn, i saw a guy in front of the queue. he was all alone. whilst everyone had friends to accompany or even join them to donate blood, that guy was all alone, just waiting for his turn. when it was my turn and i laid on the long chair, i saw this girl sitting at the chair next to mine. she'd just finished donating her blood and when she saw me looking at her, she smiled. that smile was so honest, so sincere, something i've not seen for a long long time already.

i think often in our lives, we tend to judge people too soon, especially through their appearance. as much as first impression counts a lot, i believe within every single human being lies a heart of gold. it was the two people that i've mentioned that really taught me something today. while some people went to donate blood to try to be benevolent or be 'cool', or that because their friends are going with them, i found it very encouraging to have seen the two people today, for they touched me with their truly remarkable courage and sincerity. for me, i only really wanted to donate until alicia asked me yesterday. i didn't had the intention initially. the works of the two people really set me thinking about myself, i shouldn't have had selfish thoughts. but i'm sure, out there in the massive crowd that turned up in the hall today, many of them were also like the two people. you people were really encouraging. (:

cos you're the reason for the teardrops on my guitar

be thankful

2008-08-12T18:34:00.003+08:00

wow, got home early today. math test was ok. felt that i could have done better if i had done more studying. oh wells, no use crying over spilt milk.

but i must say this 'extra time' that i've been given did come in handy. i don't have to buy time from other activities just to settle homework and studying. as much as i consider everything a blessing in disguise, there's still this burning anguish that i feel. the heavy-heartedness sometimes do overwhelm me.

oh come on jan, just smile for the wonderful things in the world! (: i'm going to donate blood tmr! (i hope so!) i've never done it before so i guess its time i really step out of my comfort zone and reached out to the others around who are less fortunate. i hope you have picked up the consent form too! (: maybe it does hurt a little during blood donation, but think about the amount of pain that those who are in need of blood have to go through. our pain is just that little fraction of theirs.

sometimes, we lament or fuss over the most trivial or silly things in our lives, like when we're forced to eat things that we don't like or when we have to go to school, but not try to think about how there are other people all around the world who are experiencing problems, pains and sufferings that are a million times worser than ours. we often take our lives for granted.

just open up your scope and take a look. lives of others around you might not have been that perceived bliss. do compare your lives with those of the less fortunate and be grateful. cut with all the crap about sympathising the unfortunate. get up and reach out, for actions speaks louder than words.

spread the love.

sensitivity

2008-08-10T22:00:00.002+08:00

before this post, i tried to go online to search for the meaning of sensitivity and how i can rate it in a person. but the word itself kinda dealt my research futile. sensitivity came up on the internet as a measure of how adapt a person is to its surroundings and environment. not quite what i was looking for. i would have rendered my attempt a failure until i found myself browsing through an article.

in it states a term 'innate sensitiveness', and along comes another term 'highly sensitive person'. it talks about how sensitivity to people's feelings (what i was actually researching for) could have been innate, and that it cannot be nurtured or destroyed. what could have been done is that it can be controlled to a healthy level.

a lot of times, we find ourselves 'feeling' too much. being overly-sensitive at times can really be unhealthy. we get hurt, worried, frustrated or find ourselves in distress. there are times when we get irritated at why others can't seem to feel the way we feel, all this because we get overly -sensitive to a point that is beyond other people's comprehension. it breeds to a more disgusting level when an attempt at trying to explain one's feelings to another is just a vain effort.

what comforts me most was to realise that 20% of the world's population falls in the category of a 'highly sensitive person'. being sensitive to people's feelings is not necessarily a bad thing. when others try to confide in us, we'll seem like the total image of how the person is, just because we know how to put ourselves in their shoes.

the world is moving so so fast. and people are becoming more and more competitive. all the more do i feel that there is a need for people to catch a breather. in the midst of the struggle for triumph, people often forget to put in place their values and beliefs. a huge part of life i feel that is frequently neglected is the need to be sensitive to others. not just through our actions and words, but also in terms of understanding the other person's needs.

we do find ourselves blinded by our own selfish, individualistic thoughts. these are the times when we need to be extra careful and sensitive as to how our actions and words come in line with other people's needs. life is not about individualism, and it has been proven that we can only achieve this much alone, but that much when we think for others as well.

i still have a lot more to learn.

love or lust?

2008-08-09T12:06:00.003+08:00

it is a very common question, "am i in love?", but it is not an easy question to answer. what feels like love to one may be nothing more than attraction to another, and this is exactly how feelings between two people can go mono-directional. some people fall in and our of love quickly and often while others are never really in love as much as they are in lust.

lust is a very powerful, intense feeling of physical attraction toward another person. lust is mainly sexual by nature - the attraction is superficial based on instant chemistry rather than genuine caring. usually we lust after people we do not know well, people we still feel comfortable fantasizing about. it is very common to confuse lust for love. but why? what is it about lust and love that make them so easy to mix up? if lust is all about sex, how can a relationship without sex be about lust?

lust isn't that sinister. lust is about physical attraction and acting ONLY on physical attraction. love is about much more than that. yet many people still confuse between an intense attraction for some sort and divine love.

lust i clearly not love. love is based on more than just physical attraction. sure, attraction is a factor, but love goes deeper than that. love is based on caring, friendship, commitment and trust. when you are in love it is as if you have your best most trusted friend at your side and you feel physically attracted to them. love is a shared feeling between two people who have a vested interest in one anothers' happiness. love is not about jealousy. it is not about conflict. it is not about testing. love is a positive feeling. if it is tainted by mistrust, jealousy, insecurity or spitefulness, it is not really love but merely a pale copy. love is the total surrender of your heart to another person with security of knowing they will treat it better than you will. love should feel good. it should not feel bad. love should make you want to be a better person, it should not lead you to do something self destructive. love is not demanding of your spirit but lifts it and makes it glow. love is a good thing. anything less is lust, deep friendship or attraction.

that aside, happy national day! and congratulations to ms huang and mr wong who became a married couple yesterday. my first attendance at a church wedding, an eye-opener. (:

is it love or lust?

subtle ties

2008-08-05T19:53:00.005+08:00

today's a pretty fine day. liangster didnt come so we had to lessons off. and im glad to say that today's pw discussion was very fruitful! haha, came as a surprise to me too. chem test after school was quite ok. at least for once i really studied and there was a possibility that i could pass.

after the test, was about to leave for home until ally stopped me. it no longer came across my mind that i had to go to sc to get the song sheet for ms huang's wedding. guess i'm starting to settle into the change. as much as others try to tell me "its ok", "i'm also gonna get it" but i just feel all shitty inside, knowing things will no longer be the same. i'm sorry if any of your words couldnt get through me. my mind is all so filled with thoughts already. yeah, time will heal, i'm sure. it always does. (:

just when i needed you the most

what you want, might not be what you get

2008-08-04T17:45:00.002+08:00

things will change, it wont be the same anymore and i gotta learn how to pick up the pieces and move on...

have you ever wanted something real bad?
have you ever reached a point where you could almost see that something but have to give up half way?

on the surface, everything will be fine. people leave, and new people come. they pick up where the previous person left off and life goes on. but deep down inside, its all a mix of emotions. as much as it seems to be a blessing in disguise, its never easy to try to comfort yourself.

things might have been a little different. and now i see how my nonchalance can culminate into setting me for a different scenario. i want to reverse time and change everything, but thats beyond my limits.

its hard to let go, yes it isnt. for things will be so so so much different already. and when i try to look back in time to come, its gotta be hard for me to take. but i'll just have to learn.

brace yourself.

i'm bloated

2008-08-04T00:53:00.002+08:00

gosh what a day!

yesterday was open house '08! despite the poor attendance, i must say that everything that was planned went pretty well. (: as our first ever 31st event, it was pretty much a success already. it was a darn tiring day and i pounced onto my bed after bath and slept all the way.

woke up only at 2 today. did a little math and went to vivo to shop for pink with ronald, merv and liming. it was pretty fruitful and considering someone like me, i actually managed to buy something without procrastinating! haha. but there are still stuffs to buy. gotta go shop again. (: we ate carl's junior for dinner today. that was my first. there wasnt much of a choice for me on the menu. i swear that meal i ate was darn freaking huge. almost 6 hours has passed since that meal and i still feel the fish i ate swimming inside my stomach. i'm never gonna eat it alone unless i have to.

there's this shower-ok thing at vivo. they're promoting the dove products so they have this bathroom-like thing in the middle of nowhere and the challenge to the public was to pretend they're in the showers and singing into the shower head. haha. so funny to look at them from the outside. merv, liming and i planned to go back on friday to throw our face. i mean, why not? since we get free ben and jerry's! and also dove product! haha.

on our way home from far east, we saw this middle-aged woman kneeling down to an old lady with her hand held high. she was practically worshipping the old lady and her movements were exaggerative. the funny part was that the old lady just looked at the woman. it was neither like a frown nor a smile. it just looked as if she was playing along with that mad woman and even after she left, the old lady just looked around, pretending that nothing had happened. funny incident which made me turn back to look again. haha!

am i invisible?

exasperation

2008-07-27T16:02:00.005+08:00

gasp-

my studies are starting to pick up i hope. at least for now, im beginning to understand math and some other subjects. but i'm still picking up the pieces after my desperate attempt to salvage my bio spa during the last few minutes when the clock's ticking started to irritate me.

and once again, functions meeting was a success. things i feared might get screwed up during the meeting went smoothly. ideas kept flowing in and jobs were delegated well enough. only thing i fear is from the teachers' side. i just feel the teachers' expectation weren't quite in sync with ours. mr chua didnt seem quite impressed, or at least he didnt show he was. so i dont know. but more or less, i'm sure we have a direction now. i foresee things might grow sour in some occasions, but there will also be a fair share of fun and joy i bet!

looking back at the rest of the week, class has been quite ok, at least im feeling better with my clique. and hurray, i've gotten the invitation for the parent-meet-teacher session. to add on to the suspense, i'm meeting a HOD whom dont even know me. i wonder what praises he will sing to me. hmm!

just a song i came by the other day. now i noe its not just a random song to me anymore.

You have a way of coming easily to me
And when you take, you take the very best of me
So I start a fight cause I need to feel something
And you do what you want cause I'm not what you wanted

Oh what a shame, what a rainy ending given to a perfect day
Just walk away, no use defending words that you will never say
And now that I'm sitting here thinking it through
I've never been anywhere cold as you

You put up walls and paint them all a shade of gray
And I stood there loving you and wished them all away
And you come away with a great little story
Of a mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore you

Oh what a shame, what a rainy ending given to a perfect day
So Just walk away, no use defending words that you will never say
And now that I'm sitting here thinking it through
I've never been anywhere cold as you

You never did give a damn thing honey but I cried, cried for you
And I know you wouldn't have told nobody if I died, died for you, died for you

Oh what a shame, what a rainy ending given to a perfect day
Oh Every smile you fake is so condescending
Counting all the scars you made

Now that I'm sittin here thinkin it all though
I've never been anywhere as cold as you

oh baby, the stuffs you said. random it means to you, the whole world it means to me. everytime i tried so hard to hold on a lil while more, its the stuffs you said that i can't contain. leave that facade away. its undeniable how impossible i could be that special someone for you. i will not fight, i'll just take it that you dont belong to me. just let me bury all the things i'll never reveal into me.

its 4.56pm now. the day has been productive for me. i should start with the rest of my homework already. i have lots to work for.

just rest my mind.

one step up.

2008-07-20T03:15:00.002+08:00

and so, i've been commended. we all have been commended. i just couldnt help but breathe a sigh of relief. after all, we are lifted from all that daily staying back, singing, kneeling down, and being someone we're not used to being. haha, but im glad everyone felt good when that badge was placed in our hands. that moment, was so special, and for that once in a lifetime, it was real, somehting was indeed placed upon my palm.

i see a whole lot of responsibilties that came with that badge. but along with it was a hearty welcome into the wonderful council family. a message that tells me a whole new episode of my life is about to be uncovered. an exciting adventure that is about to unfold.

it felt like the time of my life. an experience i've never felt before. if i had the chance, i would definitely hope to relive that moment i walked down the aisle in some time to come. the seniors have indeed placed a lot of trust in us. during the commendation lunch, amanda passed linyu and i the badge which evan had asked of her to keep for us until commendation. it kinda sets my heart at ease, knowing that somehow, a senior whom i've not spoken to for more than a mere hour could even feel easy to let us have his badge. i believe this badge will serve as a constant reminder for me to keep on track, keep pushing myself, and live up to expectations.

to bobo and emmy, thanks for always giving us the confidence everytime we fall short of some. the gift might not be the best that i can give you two, but for sure, the effort, thought and time that went into piecing everything together, just hope its enough to express my gratitude to you guys. and for the other seniors whom i may not have managed the time to do something up for all of you, you guys are not forgotten. still a big thank you to all of you for keeping the 31st going strong.

31st, its our show now. all i have for everyone of us is simple. just make sure whatever you do in this one year to come, you'll cry at the end knowing you've done your best and you have no regrets. with the faith of the 30th at heart, to a wonderful and memorable council term ahead!

thanks tiffany and everyone else who allowed me to had a great time to enjoy today!

reassure me please.

dilemma

2008-07-16T00:10:00.002+08:00

it's dark, and i'm walking through a valley. my limbs are just too weak to bring me further, let alone trying to overcome the steep slopes. there's just two roads left to take. should i?

it's just a few more days left to friday. weeks of practices, countless nights with insufficient sleep. it all boils down to that very day. it's either we make it, or we break it. onward, christian soldiers! class is getting better and better. at the very least, i'm starting to feel easy with the same group of people i hang out with everyday during lessons. but council seems to be draining me away, leaving me with lots to probe about after every practice. is it the work of god? is he trying to tell me something? school and council seems to be placed at the two extreme ends of a balancing beam. a little more of this and then a little less of that. i need to work things out. and i need to do it fast. but i don't know how. i dunno where to start from or who to begin with. its all a mystery that has yet to be uncovered.

o god, bestow me with your unwavering love. shelter me from the pain and hurt that rains down. give me the courage, and a reason to look forward to a new day. when things don't go my way, i pray to you to grant me your presence, let me feel that i have someone to fall onto. also, as every commendation practice brings us closer to our eventual goal, i ask of you to give us the strength and focus to last through. all these i pray in your most holy, precious name, amen.

if a picture paints a thousand words, then why can't i paint you.

facade

2008-07-11T11:11:00.002+08:00

its crazy, the rate at which commendation practice had been going. goodness gracious, its draining us day by day, and hour by hour! but god had been helping all of us through the tough times. thank god for the nice weather that you've been granting us with. thanks for shadowing us with the clouds in the sky when it gets real sunny and hot. thanks for bringing us rain and wind when we're all tired and sweaty. its all so evident that god has been around us. and today, its TGIF!

man, i love fridays! i've 10 mins of break time left before bio lecture. haven't been blogging for the past few days. guess this is a rather good time to get back.

yesterday was the 30th seniors' stepping own ceremony. its sad to see them having to step down
they have sure been through both tough and good times with us. the pumpings during the camps, and all the lessons that we've learnt from them as well. thank you seniors. you've made a whole lot of impact on us and we owe it all to you guys. as all of you are about to unfold a new chapter in your life, i wish all of you the bst in whatever you guys do, and we'll always love you! heh!

lately has been emofying for me, but im glad i've been managing myself well, keeping my emotions under control. nonetheless, despite all the emo times, i must agree that i've had my fair share of happy moments. (: things are finally looking up for the usual few of us. its amazing what love can do eh?

council has been the source where im able to draw strength from. im glad and its always nice to end the day with these wonderful group of people. from the time when we picked up the yellow form, i guess we all knew that its never gonna be easy. and we've seen each other through tougher times, certainly, we've all grown and will live to treasure each and everyone of us. (:

my 10 mins are almost up, gotta go for bio. before i end my post today, let me ask of a little favour from you, god. as the day of commendation draws nearer and nearer, all of the councillors will start to be pulled down by tiredness and all sorts of negativities. it is in this difficult times that i ask of you lord, shower them with all your love and grant each and everyone of them the strength and motivation to strive harder and live up to our expectations. amen.

tough times never last, tough people do.

wishful thinking

2008-07-06T01:23:00.002+08:00

went huiying's house the day before. initial plan was to do work, sing and mahjong but huiying, mervyn and i kinda felt too tired and lazy to do so. mervyn went into slumber soon after. i sustained, and was talking to huiying over supper. it was nice, just being able to let go of my heart and pour out stuffs. xie xie ni!

don't think i'm supposed to say this out, but anyway, went out with the 30th and 31st exco to sentosa yesterday. it all began from a wake up call from yuqi while i was still at huiying's house. got a lil cranky and all, but i still went reluctantly after much persuasion from her. for once, i was there at the meeting place earlier than her.

went over to my house to put down my stuffs and get clothes and all. was kinda later than the rest when me and yuqi reached vivo. caught up with ally, linyu and ronald. went over to palawan to meet the rest. had fun playing ball games but found myself in the wrong place when we were mass conversing. i dunno, but this was the reason why i was kinda reluctant to go in the first place. bathed and headed for vivo to have dinner.

we settled for the stands at the rooftop of vivo and listened to the rest talk awhile before we all went off to get our food in batches. gosh, i couldnt believe me and xinying actually got lost in vivo, lol! it was so funny! but oh wells, i got to eat long johns! had some really nice talk with xinying after dinner which really took my mind away. thanks!

went over to talk with some of them after xinying left and i think this was the time when i started to feel im at the right place. it kinda got me sensitive and set me thinking about stuffs when the 30th were like joking around with us but i like the serious, true side of the 30th when we talked. (: it was so nice to see the other side of the 30th from the usual sarcasm and look that they show in school or when they try to joke. (: oh ya, and lim kai said something really funny that set me laughing my ass off. he said "i doesn't affect you, you doesnt affect me". lol, it was especially funny since he takes ki and is supposed to be quite good in english. haha!

wanted to stay out with some of them. didnt know they were so on too, but i had to go home and get some sleep for functions meeting with linyu later today. haha! went home at around 11 and the day kinda ended well instead when i got to talk to amanda while walking to the train station. i guess good endings are really important. they are enough to erase all that bad stuffs that happened earlier on. (: i think it'll be fun to hang out with them provided i get to find myself in place and i would sure like to stay out through the night with them! will be kinda nice. (:

reached home at around 12 and here i am! (:

did a lot of thinking these few days and yesterday was especially a lot due to the many times where i found myself just staring into nothing. many things kept repeating in my head and many questions got its way into keeping me numb with all the thoughts. vivo is such an emo place to go too. gosh.

there are so many things that i want to be in your life, but it just seems that the more i try to do, the more i kinda got in your way. you dont seem to care about how i feel like before anymore. it seems, that whatever you did for me before was all just a facade to hide a truth i dread so much. you always make me feel unsure of myself, of my capabilities. till now, i cant say for sure, what i want exactly. it has been quite a rough ride, full of ups and downs, and i want to stop deluding myself.

even if the truth may hurt, i think its the only way out now.

a bliss

2008-06-28T02:09:00.002+08:00

im still settling into the mood that im in exco. i know i wanted it, but didnt really had much hope of getting it. i dunno, it all came at me at a pretty weird way. 31st will go a long way together. although we may have our various comms and all, but such things will not bring us to different paths, because each and everyone of us individual know that we've gone through much more to say that we're better off on our own ways.

vidya is leaving sa. i remember there was a period of time i was talking to her. it was nice, to open my boundaries by talking to her. please dont miss this chance for uni ok? it never always comes by easily. now that you've got it, grab it, and make the best out of it. always behind you. (:

yesterday was thinking day for me. went out with s12 peeps once again, and alas, we were able to relive those nostalgic memories, but somehow it felt different. like somehow, in one way or another, people changed. i just didnt feel that same s12 anymore. maybe its because some of the people weren't there. i dunno, i think i tend to remember things for what they were, and register it in my mind. so i'll get sensitive to the slightest change.

also had a lil talk with jane on the train home as well. its nice, like its been a long time indeed since we last managed time to talk to each other. for once, we swapped position, it felt as if she was the big sis, like she is already. its nice. thanks.

bum, if tomorrow never comes, i'll take you on the plane and travel in the skies. that way, you'll never see the sun rise and tomorrow will never come. (:

love is all powerful, an elixir.

take it away

2008-06-25T18:20:00.002+08:00

its another nightmare! today's math was yet another good game for me. thought i went in with all that was needed, but i guess its never helpful to start studying only the day itself. haha! today was especially tormenting for me. i thought i could just give up thinking, put down my pen and lay my head when i couldnt solve the qn. but when i saw ms huang walking around, it started to haunt me. i noe im so gonna get it from her if i ever do that so i had only to keep trying but to no avail.

5 down, one last one to go. i've just bid 40 rank points goodbye. how much more can i afford to kiss away? i need 35 out of that remainder 50 points. i dont think i can even make 30. im dead. so, so dead.

forget it. lets talk about the food that i ate today. it was my first time eating such a full FULL meal from the sch's muslim stall. gosh! its super yummy! im still having that stingray swimming in my stomach and that chicken chop calling out to me! ahh, i wanna have it again! im starting to put on weight, its beginning to show! jan, i told myself, CONTROL! but i still went to macs after test. fook balls man! all that lipids floating in my bloodstream, its getting digusting. stop, jan, stop! no more unhealthy food puh-leasee!

something wrong's going on in my head. im going against myself. what more can i say. it seems im playing with myself, its all just on my part. i noe i cant take away whatever isnt mine. im beginning to show my selfish, disgusting, irky side. dont noe if i really noe myself. i need divine intervention. seek me through my heart and soul. tell me that my mind is lying, but my heart is not.

i shouldn't love you, but i want to.
just melt me with your eyes.

male ego

2008-06-22T01:48:00.003+08:00

HAPPY 17th BIRTHDAY HUIYING!

gave huiying a pleasant surprise at 12 midnight on her birthday over at yuqi's place. gosh, you better appreciate our effort afterwhat we've put in for you ok! had super late nights as usual. had this super bad experience that totally melted my male ego. but i've persuaded myself to forget about it. (: shit, my mind is going blank. can't really recall what happened over at her place and stuffs. too tired to think.

hey bum, dedicating this lil part of my post to you since you're complaining. i seriously got loads to tell you, just trying to find the right time to tell you. somethings are also not that easy for me to express but now that i realised my new skill of communicating, i'll try to speak to you that way for now ok? and don't try to think you're not important. you really dont noe where you stand, do you?

i love you more than i can say.

affectionate moments

2008-06-19T22:34:00.005+08:00

believe me! my tooth fell off! i noe its hard to believe it, especially when im 17! but, it proves im still young, for i still have baby teeth! woots! gosh, without that piece of tooth, my mouth feels so empty! theres like this hollow cavity between the two teeth. shit!

and and and! i ate cheese today! like willingly. it didnt really taste bad. ate it with chicken cubes yuqi bought (: it didnt taste like cheese! haha

it has been a week of deep thinking. and im joyous over the fact that i've not started studying. i can't believe this is happening. maybe because i didnt really waste time, but got to do other fruitful stuffs instead. (: stayed up late last night conferencing on the phone with ally, mervy, yuqi and huiying. we did a lot of quizes, like those to test your love life, your personality, your jealousy level, blah blah blah. yuqi ah! officially the ultimate green girl! get jealous so easily! haha! its quite interesting to find yourself answering questions you've never thought of or came across before.

was at compass just now trying to study, but it didnt work out again. i seriously need help. oh god! and i finally got to see nevin. he's from SR soccer! we need to play someday man. heh! and it wasnt a really nice day for me. think i did quite a lot of stupid stuffs today. things didnt turn out the way i want. what do i want actually? hmm, it seems to be going one-way.

dear tooth fairy, in exchange for my tooth, can i ask you a favour? nono, i dont want money. come to my dream tonight and i'll tell you (:

affectionate moments.

the things we missed

2008-06-13T05:15:00.002+08:00

its incredible. how things and people change so fast. so fast we can't always keep up at human pace. there's a lot of questions i need an answer to, but answers don't always come easy i presume, and i guess that's why there's still so many blanks waiting to be filled up.

time never stalls, and if you ever pause, you can never find yourself back in the place you ought to be in. and for the past 17 years of my life, i've been living life pretty much this way. there are still so many things i wanna do, so many things left undone, so many things left incomplete. the agony sets in when you noe you can almost never get back to the stuffs you wanna do because you noe you should move on. at times, you get things screwed in a hurry. you so wanna erase them all and do it from scratch, but like a broken vase, the crack lines remain.

people depict life as a cycle that god set you out to fulfill and that you just had to live it the way he had it all planned out for you. is it ever possible for you to live it the way YOU want it to be? or is YOUR way, GOD'S way? do we share the same sentiments? don't you want, sometimes, to be the master of your own destiny? to place your own life in your own hands?

for the past few weeks, i've seen the fragility of human life. how people come and go into your life like the passing wind. the human body is like an inpenetrable cover that shields the insides. its not exactly easy to see through people. why can't god create everyone to be a perfect replica of each other? why are man made with flaws? why do we have to live each day fearing death? why is there even people to begin with? why why why? i need a million and one answers.

in a span of two weeks, my paternal grandparents passed away. the fact that we're living in two different countries, it meant that i didn't felt especially close to them. i didn't see their death the way my dad and his siblings might have seen in. for i thought it was a blessing in disguise, for their pain is finally lifted. it could have been different though, if i'd been able to spend more time with them.

brings me to another thought. don't ever leave things to be done tmr, for you never noe if tmr's gonna come. and even if it does, you might not get the chance to do it the way its supposed to be. you might just forget it.

then again, these are easier said than done, i don't think i myself can act for my own words. move on, jan.

courage and strength, the concoction to start with.

to lead and serve with faith and trust

2008-06-09T01:17:00.002+08:00

realised i haven't been blogging for a long, long time already.

back from the long anticipated LTC. boy oh boy, it sure burned me thoroughly. shan't go into the nitty gritty, but im proud to say that i've emerged stronger! the camp was like a furnace, and we were like bits and pieces of metals of different elements being welded into a single piece of non-penetrable solid.

its so contradicting, the way you want the camp to end so much during the dire moments and the way you wish you could have another day at the end of it. thats the mystery of the human mind i guess. its amazing how each and every one persevered and pressed on till the bitter end.

although there were conflicts here and there, im sure we paid with all that push ups, crunches, sit ups, jumping jacks and inclined chin ups. that red areas on the palms, that rust that's showing on the tags, that number of shirt thats soggy and dirty. all so evident of the sweat that we shed and the pain that we suffered.

this is just the start of something new, something extraordinary. in time to come, we will realise, when the going gets tough, the tough gets going.

to lead and serve with faith and trust

when the going gets tough, the tough gets going

2008-05-25T00:59:00.002+08:00

gosh, what has the world come to. all those natural disasters, taking away lives with each passing day. spurs you to rethink your every action and appreciate how wonderful your life is.

been a hectic term for me once again. so glad its the holidays already. shall take this time to recuperate before a recharge and mug for for the inevitable common tests. oh god, give me strength!

i'm loving 31st more and more. despite of all the politics, i think it is all inevitable. we're still at a preliminary stage, once the pace sets in, we'll be able to break out of our social bonds and stay as one council. jiayou people, i love you guys!

when the going gets tough, the tough gets going

its not easy

2008-05-19T23:55:00.002+08:00

had a sleepover at yu qi's place since friday, one day prior to her birthday. im sure all of us had loads of fun over there. (: thanks yu qi and her family for playing such great hosts.

random thoughts just kept crossing my mind. don't ask what, don't ask why, cos i wouldn't say, not at least till i've found someone to open up to. thinking too much can really be painstaking.

living everyday, hoping for a better tmr.

live with it

2008-05-15T22:10:00.002+08:00

soccer boys didnt managed to get through to finals, and they lost through penalties. what a way to decide a winner. but despite not being there to support, i guess the boys played hard and really sweat it out for the team. well done!

great job to the hockey girls for qualifying to the hockey finals after a 2-0 win over acjc. the only think i remember about delta stadium's hockey pitch was when the sprinkler sprayed water over the field and it was very sunny and rainbows appeared. so so cool!

many a times, i've found myself stucked in a position i dont wanna be in. but it just seems that it happens. and when it happens, i should just take it. there's still a lot of things i need to learn.

give me strength to move on.

footsteps

2008-05-13T23:46:00.002+08:00

the past two days have been real hard to pass time. sleepiness overwhelmed me. totally couldnt concentrate in class and lectures. come on, its time to wake up dude!

every week's a new week for new thoughts, new emotions, new things to ponder about. sometimes, a lot of things just happen against your will, and there's really nothing much you can do about it. so i guess its time to face up to reality. live life the way it is, and live it to the fullest.

many people walked into and out of my life, i just hope you will stay.

making the difference

2008-05-10T22:34:00.002+08:00

and how cool was it.

woke up late today and argh! was supposed to meet alwin at cp at 7.20 but i woke up at 7.20. rahrah! sorry alwin and thanks for the drinks! then reached school at 8.10. darn! there goes pocky pocky! i swear i'm gonna earn it back! heh!

had soccer match with the 30th guys today! boy oh boy, it was seriously fun! i cant believe most of the guys actually lasted 90 minutes on the full pitch! well done guys! shit la, dunno what's wrong with me, i stretched! but bloody hell, kanna cramp during the match. oh ya, btw, the 31st won 4-2!! oh my, everything was just too exciting. we trailed by a goal in less than a minute! but managed to hang on to that scoreline till half time. the second half switch made a lot of difference i guess! with victor coming on. heh! he's good man! the condition of the pitch wasn't favourable, especially when the soles of my shoes started to fail me and that we were greatly disadvantaged because the 30th were pretty well geared up! but i guess we all went to the pitch with a common objective and that's how we managed to prevail all odds and come back for a win! hah, i'm just so glad for you guys. well done everyone, without any single one of you, it would all have gone the wrong way. heh! great job guys!

jeriel suffered a cut on his head while li ming cut his gums. god, please heal them and take away any pain from them. let them be safe and sound and recover. (:

then, the girls had a captains ball match with the 30th girls. i have to say the match was far more competitive than the soccer match la! you can see how they literally fought for the ball man. lol. although we didnt win, but girls, you all were just awesome! great job! the guys had loads of fun cheering the girls on and thanks guys for letting me see that there are other guys out there who really cheer too (:

had chicken rice for lunch! yum yum! the orea latte was mama mia too! felt awfully full after lunch and went back school to paint some stuffs. lasted till about 4.30 before we went back. pissed ally off, sorry! i ask for your forgiveness. :(

PS: "the name at the back of your jersey is not as important as the number below the name" when we laid foot on that pitch today, i'm glad all of us understood this.

rock climbing rockss

2008-05-04T17:27:00.002+08:00

back from rc camp! wee!

camp has been fun for me, but i didnt really trained much, especially when i missed conditioning on friday due to council. but anyways, dinner on day one sucks big time. to think it still costs 3 bucks. argh! but nightwalk was pretty fun although i thought it was kinda scary even though the others thought it was dumb. heh! and i'm glad seniors didnt make us do stuffs in the middle of the night. had a great time sleeping! ooh yeah! day two was alright. had top rope and bouldering. was kinda tiring cos of insufficient sleep. lunch was great! had buffet, so unbelievable. but it was nice. played some team building games, had fun! lol. especially when we came up with stupid ideas on how to cross that darn string. lol. debriefed and home sweet home!

oh ya, we're gonna have council soccer match between the 30th and the 31st! on this coming saturday! omg! so looking forward to it! and siyi made the effort to get us a jersey for the match! nice nice. come on 31st! we can do this!

people come and go in our life, its only true friends who chooses to stay.

beat that

2008-05-01T17:38:00.002+08:00

it was an astonishing match, seeing chelsea through to the finals of the champions league with a hard-fought 3-2 win at stamford bridge. surely, chelsea has lived up to expectations and at the same time, maintained the club's impressive record or 81 home games undefeated!

lampard did well, by remaining composed to give chelsea an edge in the 98th minute after both teams failed to better each other in normal time. following that was another well placed strike from didier drogba to hit back upon rafa's pre-match critics. well done! but it was somehow weird why cech couldnt save babel's shot. it could have been a clear victory for chelsea should he have saved it. but anyway, i think avram grant has gone a long way in piecing up a distraught team of chelsea players from the start of the season to bring them to where they are now. much awaits them on 21st may. (:

yesterday was a day of thinking for me. yes, i got into sc. knowing that really sets me at ease. however, knowing that chris- didnt get through, it kinda irks me. how much we had all put in effort for our campaigning, and that day where the three of us went ps to get our stuffs. the cookies that we ate. hah, i mean i really wanted you to get in, cos i noe much fun awaits all of us. damn your choir teacher. but dont be too bothered by this, perhaps it is god's way of setting things right for you, so you could afford my time into your other commitments. believe it, you're a leader your own way. (: i got into some talent management programme thingy, aimed at driving you to your fullest potential. the only thing that's appealing to me is the overseas university admission opportunity! oh gosh, tempting tempting! harvard, cornell, yale, princeton! i so wanna get in, but i'll probably get axed out of the programme after the first evaluation, THE COMMON TEST! haha. oh well.

oh and happy belated birthday to you kor! though you've been a real pain in the ass sometimes, but i still love you (:

my dear ally is nehneh again, dont put so much stress upon yourself. i noe there's a lot of expectations based on you, but its ok, sometimes people fail to rise up to expectations too. so just do things your way, whatever happens next, let nature take its place. and dont ever forget again, you have me (:

living up to expectations?

happy birthday mummy!

2008-04-27T23:34:00.002+08:00

happy birthday mummy!

studied out with jane today at tow huay shop. quite fruitful (: thanks jane.

sorry mummy for not doing anything special for you. but you know i love you very very much still (:

sorry but i won't grow up to be like you

thats the way

2008-04-26T22:07:00.002+08:00

it has been a day of many many thoughts.

i just watched the chelsea game against man u, and i've decided to leave my work for now and come blog about something very heartwarming.

like i had wished for, chelsea did won man u, by a scoreline of 2-1. indeed, chelsea stands strong in the 'fortress' stamford bridge. stretching their unbeaten home run by a whopping 81 games. truely, its something amazing. however, i know, you know, everyone knows that some day, some fateful day. chelsea will still fall at home and bring their record to an end. but, thats ok. i mean, records are meant to be broken. i'm saying all these because i saw these in the game just now.

at the stroke of 45 mins, chelsea netted their first goal against man u. ballack connected well with a drogba cross to head home a wonderfully placed ball. weirdly, nobody went to hug and congratulate ballack. seconds later, the camera view changed, a pool of chelsea players gathered at the side lines, with captain terry holding up a shirt with the name 'Pat Lampard', and at the bottom of the shirt it reads 'R.I.P'.

sadly, lampard's mother died a few days back. it was definitely a huge blow to lampard. and i guess that's why he couldnt make it to play in the match. it was great to see how his club had made a shirt for his mother. and i know that it was in every chelsea player's mind that they know they wanna score, they know they wanna take the first advantage. not because they knew they needed a win to stay in the league, not because they wanna add a goal to their tally, but because they wanna show their teammate and his mother they they won't be forgotten.

and well enough, chelsea entered the second half with a big big advantage. but it was soon before long when man u equalised through a carvalho blunder where he accidentally pass the ball back to rooney to allow him to score. pretty soon, things turned ugly for chelsea, apparently, ballack and drogba had an arguement about who should take a freekick, and it carried on for quite awhile after that moment.

but i must say that both of them were great, later in the game, ballack did play a ball to drogba. although it was just a small effort, i could see that it was just his way of telling drogba that 'hey, i'm sorry. let's work together to win, ya?' and how true enough, with 5 mins to go, things suddenly looked up for chelsea. carrick hand-balled the ball in the penalty box and rewards chelsea a spot kick. this time, there wasn't any arguement about who should take the kick and ballack confidently stood up to slot the ball well to send the keeper the wrong way.

chelsea held on to win the game in the end. bringing them on level terms with man u, only to trail them by goal difference. but something heartwarming happened at the end. ballack went over to hug drogba. it was the first thing that occured to both of them at the final whistle. it was a great show of team spirit. the realisation that whatever unhappiness should be left on the pitch and that after the game, everything's fine again.

alright, besides this hearty warmy stuffs, i must say that chelsea displayed a team of strength and worth today, the held on to possession most of the time in the game and gave man u a lot of problems. there were times when the players displayed strong sportsmanship too, like when drogba appealing to the ref to pause the game when he accidentally injured vidic, and when ashley cole also appealed to the ref not to book nani when he was accidentally fouled. there was so much i could learn in the truely spectacular game.

great job chelsea!(: keep it up.

at the end of the day, its not about how many goals you scored, but how you played just for the team; because the name at the back is not as important as the name at the front of the jersey. (:

finally

2008-04-26T00:17:00.002+08:00

and at last, the long awaited weekends again. this whole week has been a mixture of fun and stress. it was the campaign week! had been quite stressful for me though. had to think of ideas and all and at the same time cope with school work. had loads of fun in the mean time too. bonded a lot with the other elects and i'm sure all of us enjoyed this whole process.

did a speech today. gosh, darn embarrassing man! shit, and people said i'm gay. well, that was part of my objective, but not for them to take it out of the lecture theatre! and that darn G sabo-ed me. wth! i knew you were gonna do something mean la. you're so in for trouble! rah rah!
did napfa test this week! and incredibly, i managed to get an A for 2.4! thanks clement for pacing me(: and i somehow managed to do 4 pull ups, with the rest of the station a minimum D! and that earns me a silver. phew, games games games!

anyway, chelsea drew with liverpool with dumb risse scoring a late own goal to give chelsea their away goal advantage. haha and chelsea are 3 points within man u and i'm so looking forward to tmr's game. chelsea's gonna pawn man u's ass. whatever.

let me study, let everything go smoothly, let my weekend be productive, let me be able to catch up with work. let everything fall into place nicely.

a turning point?

SC Camp

2008-04-20T15:47:00.002+08:00

phew! SC camp just ended. i seriously don't know how i managed to pull through that 26 hours. the first half of the camp was seriously torturing but all of us stucked together and all. that feeling was great, even before we got into council, we had that awesome bonding and connection. it was really a 'one council' thing man! i love it all, and i sure did learn a lot from the camp.

thanks to all who suffered together, you guys were great! and thanks to all the instructors and teachers, who 'tortured' us and made us end the camp feeling great and satisfied. haha (:

this is the start of something new.

i'm weak, its true

2008-04-13T13:49:00.001+08:00

be strong, jan.

desperate week

2008-04-06T23:26:00.002+08:00

this has been a desperate week for me. i mean, things didnt quite go well for me since the start of the week. i began to feel weird in class, but nonetheless, things kinda picked up i guess. and ally and jane, thanks so much for being there to let me rant all my unhappiness. u noe how badly i would have fallen if you guys weren't there.

well, i developed a liking for exercising and rock climbing. provided me a mode of escapism. i mean, everyone has their ways to solve problems right? perhaps for now, i just need some time out. anyway, exercising is fun, takes your mind and problems away too (:

this week has been a vital struggle for me in coping my school work. everything just seems to gush at me, 24 hrs a day just doesnt seem to be enough! i cant seem to put the right words into the right blanks. i seriously need help. and i hate the feeling of always being afraid to be called up to answer qns, simply because i wouldn't noe. i guess i would only look forward to chinese and pe lessons.

been, trying real hard to put things in place this weekend, at the very least i managed to packed my notes and filed them up. im glad to say i feeling more at ease. and i guess sth managed to cheer me up today, chelsea won, and man u dropped points! haha, i cant believed i get so seriously affected by sth happening on the other side of the globe.

cheney messaged me to do gym tmr, please do ok! everyone seems to be so stressed up now, so we should all do more exercises! it makes one happy (:

please keep me on course.

difficult week

2008-03-29T22:02:00.003+08:00

oh, what a difficult week it was for me. so many deadlines to meet. but, im glad its more or less over. at least thats the case for the first draft of my PI.

had rock climbing training yesterday after school. boy oh boy, it was WOAH! had pe before that in the morning, mostly running and conditioning, no games at all! but it was ok, i mean i really do enjoy group sessions like that. (: i enjoyed rock climbing too! it was tough, but i believe thats not it, heh! looking forward to every training, and i hope i do get to remain in rock climbing after the selection. and hopefully, if and only if, i get into sc, i can still continue rock climbing (:

ok, woke up at 3 today, felt like a total pig alright. guess its the compensation that i receive for staying up late on thursday night to rush PI! didnt do much stuffs today, except that i spent most of the day streaming some movies online. caught 2 local movies from crunchyroll, 'homerun' and 'nobody's child'. yeah its kinda an old show already, but it was my first time watching it, and both shows were pretty heartwarming. i mean, these are the shows that really reflect the singaporean side of us, all that kampong, coffeeshop style. to read more into the lives of probably other singaporeans, its a pretty nice feeling.

ok i shall start doing some math soon ya? there's a test on wednesday. and it is 20% of my promos! must must score for it. there's so much for me to cover, hopefully i can do it! please help me through this period! and there's soccer later too, there's man u vs aston! go aston! (:

'when the going gets tough, the tough gets going!'

PW SUCKS

2008-03-27T20:56:00.002+08:00

ok, third day into the plan to meet wan yi on the way to school failed. lol, so much for coin tossing. hopefully we'll meet tmr ya.

had pe first lesson today! great! ran 3 rounds! yippee! then did some chin ups. hai, really shitty, cant do for nuts. then we did some jumps and captains ball! it was fun and i really enjoyed pe today, cos i realise my class people are damn sporty and into the game that they play. especially ting and fiona! they fell and came up right away! well done people! sweat a lot. damn shiok. had gp and the devils lost terribly! boo! but it was really tough though. well done devils! had math lecture. i couldnt really understand today's lecture. gosh. then it was chinese. oh man. chionged bio mind map after that. and that it was BIO PRAC! i nearly screwed myself up. cos mr chan asked who was absent, and i said "cheney" without realising that i'm cheney. luckily he didnt really hear that. it was real funny. lol! went back to skss to collect cert, finally. and caught up with some old friends. it was nice.

oh god, please bless me through this difficult phase, PW IS REALLY KILLING ME!

i need help.

bad week

2008-03-26T01:47:00.002+08:00

oh this is horrible! just horrible!

i just realised im way way behind in a lot of subjects, especially bio and math! gosh, when mr chan went through the answers for bio today, i was so afraid he would call me! cos i didnt even noe how to answer his question! oh no. the bad thing is, he called "JANUVER!" but wait, i realised it was bio, so ya, im "CHENEY!" heh! phew! thanks thomas (: i had better start catching up or i will die die die!

there's pw to do too, bad bad! so many things to do, so little time! how am i ever gonna live through this week!? but its ok, i have something to look forward to for tmr, and that is ROCK CLIMBING! hopefully the first training will be fun! yeah!

oh ya, i must blog about this. i won my bro in pool! well, its not of a surprise la, but, heh! because the best part was we were playing a match of first to 7 games wins! and as the rules apply, the loser has to punch the bill! which is damn bad! so ya, i was on my way to losing when the score was 6:0! and i swear my bro was damn confident he could win! heh, but i won 7 games in a row! oh my god, my brother's facial expression was simply priceless. haha! hey bro, why did you think i wanted a first to 7? lol! i just love pool so much!~ but i love rock climbing too! (:

this is the start of something new

pokemon!

2008-03-22T23:45:00.002+08:00

oh man! im so addicted to pokemon all of a sudden. thanks to the application i downloaded from the web chinyang gave me. lol! well, still ok la, i mean i can still play for now. complete it and get over it. at least its not some exam period. phew!

went to study with jiayi, senghean, yenting and kevin today. man, we had a terrible time settling for a place to study la. got chased out of the library by the librarian. he said we couldnt study there cos we were making use of the benches as tables. boo! but the mean part was that he stood there to make sure we left. how bad! then we left for anchorvale cc. got punked by senghean la. cheat my feelings. that place not even done up yet, so noisy and hot and blah blah blah. in the end had to go back to sengkang cc. and it rained. so cold! i love rainy days, but i hate being so cold! well, didnt get to watch movie today, cos movie outing got cancelled. oh well. and today's study session wasnt productive for me at all. i only manage to highlight 10 words from the chinese passage throughtout the 6 or so hours session. played pokemon most of the time la! but im proud to say i helped solve some chemistry questions! cool! and we chatted a lil, great time to catch up!

i look upon with green eyes.

pokemon craze

2008-03-21T20:34:00.002+08:00

ohman ohman!

i had a bio test ytd, well, didnt study much, but i guess it was kinda easy? cos most of the stuffs that came out were the stuffs that i've read. heh! lucky lucky. and if i get more than 10 marks, allydear is going to treat me to ice-cream! lol, what a reward! im so gonna win this!

went to study with jiayi, yenting,angren and senghean just now. i didnt really study la, kinda played pokemon most of the time. but good effort anyway! im studying tmr too! and i think im catching a movie with S12 tmr! christine's organising i think. yeah! lets go watch leap years or sky of love. people, gotta watch leap years ok? i think and heard its really nice.

that ends it with me then, maybe going to do my pw research for my PI. oh dear. who should i research on?

the way you look at me

emo-fied

2008-03-19T23:20:00.002+08:00

hai, felt a lil emo throughout today. wonder whats wrong with me. it sometimes strikes me and leaves me without an explanation. i hate it.

went for the whole day of school today without tie. cos felt kinda warm and lazy to put it on. so ya, saw stella at mrt station while waiting for train. heh was playing pokemon so didnt wanna go say hi to her and make her feel im childish. eh heh. followed math lecture today. learned a new topic on functions. kinda still manage to understand it. hopefully all goes well for me. then it was gp. at least i dont dread gp as much now. had a half hour break. then it was bio lecture. heh, saw karen de silva's baby photo. ohmy ohmy, what big eyes you have! heh, then it was chinese. oh my, chinese teacher's kinda nice but i gotta gree that her lesson nearly put me to sleep. but cannot! as the very important chinese rep, i must ensure i stay awake for chinese lessons and do all my chinese work! bleh. then had another half hour break again. so pathetic la. then it was pw. kinda fun cos we were like talking crap. but we sure did come up with productive ideas right? after that went to look up S12! i think that was when my emoness filed in. heh. oh ya, and G uncovered a video in cheney's phone. gosh. cheney, you're the joke of the season. but no doubt, its kinda funny and cute la. you seriously got some sleeping disorder man. heh! it rained, couldnt run. well, guess i just didnt feel like running at all today. went jane's place to study after that. then jane's grandma cooked mee hoon kuey for us. yummy! thanks ah ma!

hai, got bio to study. another night of deprived sleep. how i long for the weekends. but, there's pe tmr. great motivation for me to go sch. hopefully we get to play some games (:

i asked it to leave me alone, but it tagged along.

tired la

2008-03-19T02:13:00.002+08:00

argh!!!!!!!! let me scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'm feeling very super duper ultra mega tired now! stupid gp essay! deprive me of my sleep! i'm so gonna get cranky. rah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

does education really bring out the best in you?

first day with 08S13

2008-03-17T23:39:00.002+08:00

ok! so today was the first day with 08S13! not bad not bad. hopefully it does get better with each passing day! had chem lecture test today! oh my! and im so proud of myself la. i think i did pretty well, except for the first qn where i realised i didnt do it quite correctly after we discussed it after the test. but, i finished the paper! better improvement from the first intake's test. good job jannnnnnn! then we had chem tut, how stupid. oh wait, i dont quite like our chem tutor. he looks nerdy but friendly at first, but after that, i thought he still looked nerdy, but weird. and i heard from e others he may be quite nice but he doesnt really teach well. gosh! anyway, had a break and we celebrated mason and ting's birthday! happy birthday people! yummy chocolate cake! then it was math tut. eh i like the tutor! haha, so she ousted mrs tay out of her 'throne'. well done ms chan! lol. she seems like a mother! heh. then it was pw tut. got our a-level qn paper today. oh my oh my! 'journeys' and 'modernisation'?! what am i suppose to do about it? hopefully i get nic people in my group! ^^

after school, stayed back, intending to do some work. but i got real tired and slept in the end. woke up at 4 plus then stoned awhile before running. yeah! 4km again! im doing well! keep it going jan! oh, and i heard ally sweety hurt her ring finger! oh gosh, are you ok?

with great power comes great responsibility

last day of holiday

2008-03-17T02:07:00.002+08:00

oh gosh, ytd was the last day of holidays. in a few hours time, i shall be stepping right into school again to embark on a tough journey. a journey to nowhere. heh.

went to boon keng to study with jane and merv today. merv left to celebrate his mum birthday so soon after, me and jane decided to get our dinner. how i love eating market food! hehe. but i didnt eat anything special la. ate the chilli brinjal. yummy! had lots of desserts too! i ate some green tea jelly and sea coconut but the green tea was kinda a scam. lol. and i swear that jane's grass jelly taste weird. perhaps its the bad mix after eating my dessert. lol. we realised we wanted more so we ordered bubor cha cha! but it was out of stock. ate bubor hitam in the end. same la, got bubor inside. heh! then studied awhile and my dear alicia called! lol. stressed huh! relax l, like me! went merv house to study for awhile then trained home. another fulfilling day i guess.

good things always come to an end.

2008-03-15T21:48:00.001+08:00

sleepover

2008-03-15T01:38:00.002+08:00

oh yes! im back from the sleepover at leah's place. wasnt really a sleepover but a playover for me. heh!

met jane merv and cheney at pp macs on thursday noon. i ate chicked rice for lunch! oh gosh, that chicken rice is nice la! i like the soup too! ^^ after that went to leah's place to put our stuffs before going to amk hub's ntuc to shop for groceries. and i finally got to eat my mr bean's ice cream again. yummiliciously nutritious! bought ingredients for pasta too cos merv said he wanted to cook pasta for us! it was nice merv. thanks for the treat! (: had bbq over at leah's place. burnt the first few hotdogs as always. dunno why but it always happens. lol. and i swear that premium otah is heavenly! played with leah's doggy, "koosh, coosh, cush" aiya whatever it is. then played mahjong until about 5 before we realised we all couldnt take it any longer. so we all went for a walk around leah's estate. then when we got back at her place. we all dropped 'dead'. lol. got realy cranky when i was waken up by leah and others. heh, sorry! but its in my genes la. a sleepy man is an angry man! rah! most of them had mac breakfast then a few went home. played bridge for a while before deciding to study. yeah, just decided to study but didnt really start until after i bathed and felt fresher. went to get my breakfast/lunch/dinner at the nearby kopitiam. oh ya! and we watched step up 2 too! oh it was simply great! worth watching (: but i so wanna watch sky of love and leap years now! sky of love!!!!!!!!!!!

thanks G for the fun time and all! S12 rock on, baby!

cinemas, movies. oh how i wish..

its raining, its pouring

2008-03-12T22:21:00.002+08:00

shikes! can it stop raining for once? or at least rain when i dont feel like going out! ^^

woke up late today! wanted meet jane to study but i woke up at 12. heh sorry jane! then it started raining, which made it even harder for me to meet jane. merv called to meet up at tampines to collect pants. reached there ard 4 and it was raining 'meows' and 'barks'! got terribly drenched on the way to the tailor shop. haha, and mervyn went to buy shirt from this shop which is clearing their stocks. so yeah, he got 2 shirts for 3 bucks. cool eh! but 1 of 'em was intended to be the towel since we both got real wet. cabbed back to tampines mrt and home!

i couldnt wait for tmr! im anticipating a fun-filled day!

yay!

wasted math lecture

2008-03-12T00:01:00.002+08:00

darn, so much for wanting to wake up early today to run. had everything planned out last night la. mum left dinner for me last night for me to eat when i reached home but i decided not to eat cos it was really late already so i decided to leave it as the next day's breakfast. in the end, i woke up at my planned time but without a doubt, procrastinated again! so by the time i woke up and freshen up, i need to leave for school for math lecture le. darn! thats 3 days without running!

its AP GP lecture today! not bad. i think i learnt quite a few things ^^ and this cheneyho made me and ally feel so bad la! ask me chop seat for you then in the end what time did you come?! 1 hour later! felt so bad cos it was the only empty seat available and when the teacher ask whoever has empty seats beside them to raise their hands so others can go and sit but all because of you, cheneyho! argh! whatsmore, i think you didnt even bother to listen to the lecture la! go there waste time, wait for your drama only! you (*^@^#(!)!!! you owe me apple lychee x3 and one for ally too!

left for tampines. wanted to collect pants and go ally house to study and stuff but that rain didnt help! in the end, we chilled at starbucks for about an hour and ate a lot of old chang kee. we got caught in the rain too! so didnt manage to collect pants today as it was kinda late by the time we felt like it. so bridge all the way! i so love bridging! yay! more please!

i read about this twin sisters in the newspaper who gave up their o-level to pursue their dream of singing and stuff. kinda cool. as in, i really agree with their manager, mr koh, that education is really not almighty. not as if it can guarantee you anything in life. its not something i like to do anyway. given a choice, i would also forgo my education for something im really passionate about. cheers to the twin sisters! jiayou!

im looking forward to thursday!

i really hate sticky keys

2008-03-11T01:28:00.002+08:00

darn those sticky keys.

i've been deprived of blogging for a few days cos of it. i'm glad i've rediscovered my passion for blogging. it gives me the space to express myself! so ya, today was my first ever attempt at trying to organise a class study outing. of course, it kinda failed. STRIKE ONE! so i went promptly to PP macs at 12 noon, hoping to see someone already there waiting. but to my avail, there's only me. cheney came at 12.30 while leah came at 12.40. but both of them had to leave at 1.30 and 1 for drama and econs. jane too. so there they go. and im left all alone! wow, how cool's that. then mervin came at about 2 plus? cos he got held up trying to check up the stuffs for the chalet. and finally i wasnt alone. then leah, jane and andy came to join at about 3.45. all of them left at 6 plus except for jane who kept me company until 11! wow, thanks jane! but most of the time, you were on the phone la, but thats good enough (:

im pretty proud of myself! i finished redox today, read up whatever that has been taught about atomic structure! at least im the more productive one today (: and chinyang you (*^!$#@)( can you please at least inform me if you're coming next time? dont give me false hope man. >< and sin yee! save my damn number will ya?

oh ya, OG outing this thursday has been cancelled due to poor response. and, im the co-organiser, so attempt at organising an outing failed once again. STRIKE TWO!

and i got blamed today by countless number of people for not inviting them to AP GP lecture tmr. didn't i ask? oh dear. im such a terrible organiser. please dont count on me! STRIKE THREE! YOU'RE OUT, JANUVER. GO TO SLEEP!

it doesnt feel right.

ran 2.4km in 11min 29sec

2008-03-08T12:23:00.000+08:00

wad a tiring day it was today!

woke up feeling cranky. i just dont get enough sleep everyday! argh! then i realise i was late for that usual train again and had to run to the station, only to see it leave before my eyes! rah! bad mood bad mood! then, i had to study for this freaking econs test. i wouldn't have studied if there wasnt gonna be a remedial for failures. darn it. i guess chapel was the only fun thing today. i just dont understand why those teachers love to sing to such a high pitch, go off key, and continue singing so happily. its as if they were 'tone deaf' as quoted by thomas. lol. had chem and then the dreaded econs test! to everyone's surprise, it was MCQ! but the passing mark was 6/10! not easy la! so we marked ourselves after that and the teacher was going through the answer for qn8 and i already had 4 qns wrong! i couldnt to get another one wrong! dont wanna waste my holiday in some lecture theatre learning econs. and of course, i got qn8 correct la, then it was qn9. darn that teacher for giving us a scare! she showed the answer as B when i wrote C! my heart sank la! but, apparently there was an error and the correct answer was C! lol so cool. and of course i got qn10 correct too! and so, im proud to say, I PASSED THE TEST! woohoo! eh, honest ok, no cheating! had improptu bio lecture after a short break. the lecturer seems nice! chinyang agrees with me.

it was a-level result release day and saw alot of the seniors. i wonder how everyone did. so we stayed back and i ran with jane. thanks jane for running with me! cheers to healthy lifestyle! finally went home early for a day. nice (:

and and! i got my first task as the ever IMPORTANT chinese rep! got some list that i had to circulate for the class to fill in. and our chinese teacher is nice i think. well, at least she looks friendly! (:

finally, a break

tapered my pants

2008-03-07T15:43:00.000+08:00

argh! finally, i get to blog! the past few days have been so irritating. wanted to blog so much but the stupid shift key on the keyboard didnt work! heard its some sticky key shit. darn it. do you noe how much i need to use "!?_" when i use the com? rah! ok enough of nonsense.

today was nearly late for school la. left home kinda late so chionged to the mrt station. but still miss the train. hai. but lucky it rained slightly! so assembly moved to hall so i managed to get to class during this period of time! phew! it was break after assembly for us la! so ridiculous. then econs and math lecture. another wasted day. so that was the end of school for us today, at about 11.30am. then we had to wait till like 1pm before we can leave la. chilled around school then went to ally's place again! wow, i really love her house man. it feels very homely. went to alter and taper one of my pants today. kinda cheap la, 7 bucks! good deal ya. then went back to ally's house to study (i did study alright!) then had dinner there too. chicken rice! i swear its damn nice! thanks ally and your everyone for the hospitality!

just bathed, and feeling kinda drained. im so gonna sleep soon. tmr then study econs la!

super duper tired